A Deadly Bra
There was a deadly bra at the Sidney Airport today when, I guess someone had explosives in her bra. Several were... I'm sorry, that should be, a deadly brawl occurred at the Sidney Airport yesterday.
written by Bureau, 22 March 2009
Mental Health Patients A Threat.
After a recent article on mental health patients being dangerous to other nursing home residents, several photos of Rush Limbaugh and Jeremiah Wright have now been put up on bulletin boards.
written by Bureau, 22 March 2009
Mass breakout at prison
Inmates at HMP Belmarsh, have escaped after contracting measles. In total, 631 prisoners have absconded. The breakout occurred at 4:32 a.m. this morning. Guards are not making any rash decisions as yet.
written by IN SEINE, 22 March 2009
Pink elephant caught on camera
A wildlife cameraman caught a rare pink elephant in Botswana. This is not so rare because in London, it's full of white elephants!
written by IN SEINE, 22 March 2009
More Gitmo Torture
Gitmo guard: Constant playing of "Lola", "Row, Row, Row Your Boat", 99 Bottles Of Beer On The Wall" or "Black Betty" will eventually cause terrorist to crack but by then, the bomb has gone off.
written by Bureau, 22 March 2009
Naples Anti-Mafia Parade
A parade was held in Naples, Italy to protest the decades of Mafia violence. Afterwards one of the local TV stations wanted to interview one of the marchers but they all seemed to have disappeared.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 22 March 2009
The Publicly Intoxicated Brand New Bride
A Houston bride spent her wedding day in jail still wearing her wedding dress. She said that it was a nightmare and that all night the other prisoners kept throwing (cooked) rice at her.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 22 March 2009
The Ramblings of Dick "Mr. WMD" Cheney
President Obama was asked about Dick Cheney's recent criticism on his choice of ties. Obama replied, "Dick Cheney? Wasn't he that old dude who spent 90% of his time hiding in the White House bunker?"
written by Abel Rodriguez, 22 March 2009
The 2009 White House Easter Egg Hunt
This year's White House Easter Egg Roll promises to be the largest in history. And unlike during the Bush administration, this year the kids will be allowed to keep all their Easter eggs.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 22 March 2009
The Boston Nuns Are Upset
93 monks arrested after they attack the Beijing (China) police station in protest of an escapee. Meanwhile in Boston, nuns are furious as hell over their Sweet'N Low vs. Equal controversy.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 22 March 2009
Gun Lobbyist Argues
Nation's Gun Lobby says that making handguns illegal would not stop criminals from using them. "When it comes to guns and crime control, there is no magic bullet", stated one lobbyist.
written by Bureau, 22 March 2009
Bees Disappearing
Experts say the disappearance of honey bees due to changes in the climate, new pests. Also, spelling bees due to new text messages replacing many English words.
written by Bureau, 22 March 2009
Putin Recedes?
Russia's Vladimir Putin says he's ready to recede into the background but will leave a few dozen giant statues of himself so that the Russian people will remember his humble accomplishments.
written by Bureau, 22 March 2009
CMC Announces Layoffs
In an announcement this morning, the CEO of General Motors said there would be more layoffs and that the company, who just changed it's name to Colonel Motors, will need another bailout soon.
written by Bureau, 22 March 2009
Archaologist Break-Through
Archaeologists report this morning that they have found a cave full of artifacts that absolutely prove the existence of Osama Bin Laden.
written by Bureau, 22 March 2009
10,000th Poll Completed
A new poll of Tourette's victims on the job President Obama is doing is divided 50/50 between the "No, Shit" and the "Yes, Yes Fishboobs!"
written by Bureau, 22 March 2009
Independent Party Ready For 2012
Smaller political parties are already thinking about the 2012 presidential election. For instance, the Independent Party say they will replace that loser Nader with the Madoff- Blagojevich ticket.
written by Bureau, 22 March 2009
Westminister Announces "Luckiest Dog".
In a new category at the 2009 Westminster Dog Show this year, it was announced that the nation's Luckiest Dog was Todd Mitchell Palin, Sarah's husband.
written by Bureau, 22 March 2009
Palin Family Take Spring Break
Alaskan Governor Palin and family took a vacation to International Falls, Minnesota, Fargo, North Dakota, Maine. "We like to come here in the Spring to get away from the cold", stated her husband.
written by Bureau, 22 March 2009
More UFO Files Opened
Britain has opened more of it's UFO files to the public after further protests by UFO buffs, alien buff watchers.
written by Bureau, 22 March 2009
Really Great Nude Photos Fake
Australia's largest newspaper has apologized to politician Pauline Hanson for printing nude photos it wrongly claimed showed her in raunchy poses. "We're sorry stated editor." "Me too", says Hanson.
written by Bureau, 22 March 2009
Astronauts Get A Break
Astronauts get Sunday morning off after busy week, decide to have picnic. Battle ants, mosquitoes, bird poop. Rinse out a few diapers.
written by Bureau, 22 March 2009
War Protesters Out Over Weekend
Protesters in California and Washington demand wars end in Iraq, Afghanistan, Korean border, Congo, Kenya, Somalia, Ethiopia, Uganda, Yemen, Peru, Columbia, Thailand, Tibet,
Mexican border towns...
written by Bureau, 22 March 2009
Monks Attack Police
Nearly 100 Tibetan monks were arrested or turned themselves in Sunday after hundreds of protesters attacked a police station, causing it to hover in the air, in northwest China, state media reported.
written by Bureau, 22 March 2009
India Releases Nano Car
India's Tata Motors to launch ultra-cheap Nano car today. Small car holds two passengers with room for ten more to hang on the sides.
written by Bureau, 22 March 2009
"Hilary The Movie" Decision Upcoming
'Hillary: The Movie,' is now ready for showing before the Supreme Court. Will be shown right after cartoon, "Bill The Cat".
written by Bureau, 22 March 2009
Pope In Africa
Pope decries 'clouds of evil' over Africa at Mass. "skies of flies", "rains from Cain", "winds of sins", "sleet of deceit"
"Snows up the nose" gradually runs out of signs & rhymes.
written by Bureau, 22 March 2009
Obama: Let's Get This Stone Passed
President Obama defends his Treasury Secretary Geithner, focuses on passing budget three trillion dollar brick.
written by Bureau, 22 March 2009
Levi "Mr. Immature" Johnston
Levi Johnston who dumped girlfriend Bristol Palin now says he might marry her after all. Sarah Palin, Bristol's mother tells Levi not to come around because he sure does look like a moose to her.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 22 March 2009
Aircraft Carrier - The Former U.S.S. Shangri La
The United States government has voted to change the name of the aircraft carrier the U.S.S. Shangri La to the U.S.S. Stimulus Package.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 22 March 2009
The Mo$t Expen$ive Ba$eball Team In The World
The New York Yankees are the most expensive team in all of baseball. They are worth $1.3 billion. By comparison the class A Musselshell Mussels (Montana) are worth $195.85.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 22 March 2009
Lindsay Lohan - The Tabloid Obsession
Lindsay Lohan says that being a tabloid obsession has hurt her career. No actually being a Samantha Ronson obsession has hurt her career.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 22 March 2009
Rush Limbaugh - The Biggest Head In America
Well it is now official. Rush Limbaugh's head weighs more than his body. His family doctor reported that Limbaugh's head weighs 210 and his body weighs 190.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 22 March 2009
Protesters Outside AIG Officials Homes
Protesters visit AIG officials' lavish Connecticut homes to yell, carry signs. One official came out and told the crowd, "We are not amused, now tottle off."
written by Bureau, 22 March 2009
