End "Enemy Combatants"
The Obama administration say they will put an end to the term, "Enemy Combatants" and go back to Chinks, Japs, Krauts, Gooks and Towelheads.
written by Bureau, 16 March 2009
Obama Creates Women's Group
President Obama is determined to create a White House women's council to see what in the world would make them happy and other touchy, feely shit.
written by Bureau, 16 March 2009
New FOX Unemployed Reality Show
A new reality show "I Am Broke And Unemployed" to appear on FOX this spring to see exactly what a person will do for a job, from teapot song to shoveling shit along with the paparazzi.
written by Bureau, 16 March 2009
One Thing At A Time, Obama
President Obama is being criticized for trying to solve too many problems at the same time. "We're still debating the Texas Mormon Compound Crisis, stated Senators Byrd & McCain.
written by Bureau, 16 March 2009
Bernie Stimulates
After all the stimulus packages offered over the past three months, nothing seemed to stimulate Wall Street UNTIL all the television showed Bernie Madoff led off to jail, then it rallied.
written by Bureau, 16 March 2009
The Mozzarella Mob Family's Bailout Request
One of New Jersey's biggest organized crime syndicates, The Mozzarella Family says they need a bailout in order to continue their operations. They say they'll take $2 billion in unmarked twenties.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 16 March 2009
Todd and Sarah Palin's "Fun?" Christmas Card
The Christmas cards that Todd and Sarah Palin sent out this past year showed the family members huddled around a caribou that the Gov. had just shot. The caption read: "Have a Fun Christmas, We Are."
written by Abel Rodriguez, 16 March 2009
Four of A Kind - Rihanna & Chris and Tina & Ike
In an amazing turn of events Rihanna and Chris Brown have just been signed by Warner Brothers to star in Ow! Ow! Ow! - The Ike and Tina Turner Story.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 16 March 2009
Roger Who? and A-Rod Who?
Roger Clemens emailed Alex Rodriguez recently: "Hey A-Rod, thank goodness for Rihanna and Chris, OctuMom, Bernie Madoff, Tatiana Del Toro, Mickey Rourke, and the Bachelor "Crybaby" Mesnick, huh???
written by Abel Rodriguez, 16 March 2009
Levi Johnston, 19 Goin' On 9
Levi Johnston, 19, says he'll marry Governor Palin's daughter, Bristol, 18, once he has had a chance to grow up. Her parents both agree that if that's the case Bristol will be in her 40's by then.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 16 March 2009
Terrell Owens Reveals His New End Zone Theatrics
Terrell Owens (TO) has signed with the Buffalo Bills. He says his new after-the-touchdown celebration will be "The Niagra Falls Fall." He says he'll pour the Gatorade bucket over his own head.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 16 March 2009
Dora The "Stylish" Explorer
The creators of children's cartoon character Dora The Explorer plan on making her more stylish. Instead of shorts she will soon wear a miniskirt. One parent protested asking "What's next? A tattoo?"
written by Abel Rodriguez, 16 March 2009
AIG Boners Under Attack
President Obama will try to block executive boners at the American International Group or AIG. "I think they're about to flop" says Obama.
written by Bureau, 16 March 2009
Trucking Under Revue
The White House wants a new US-Mexico trucking program. This morning they issued summons for all the remaining members of the Grateful Dead.
written by Bureau, 16 March 2009
Lohan Trial Quashed
A Los Angeles Superior Court judge on Monday quashed an arrest warrant that was issued Friday for 22-year-old star, Lindsay Lohan. "Now you come sit in the ole Judge's lap & tell me all about it."
written by Bureau, 16 March 2009
De Bris Threaten Space Station
NASA scientists eye de bris as Discovery nears space station. Have no idea where or how all the airborn removed penis ends got into space.
written by Bureau, 16 March 2009
Atheist Doubts Scrolls "Authors"
A noted scholar is now claiming that the famous Dead Sea Scroll's 'Authors' never existed. "The writing on them just supernaturally appeared." says the atheist
written by Bureau, 16 March 2009
Obama Helping Small Businesses
President Obama details plan to aid small businesses. Each would begin these with teeny, tiny loans no bigger than your finger.
written by Bureau, 16 March 2009
Salvadoran Allows Free Thoughts
Salvadoran leftist president promises moderation in the future. People will be able to think for themselves, just so they don't act on those thoughts. "It's a free country, think away!"
written by Bureau, 16 March 2009
Latest On Peanuts, Nuts
A daily dose of peanuts may ward off allergy in kids say scientists. Also, a daily wedgie could keep a kid from losing his nuts during an atomic wedgy.
written by Bureau, 16 March 2009
Obama Busy, Busy
President Obama will try to block executive bonuses at AIG today and also ask Jimmy Carter to build a "Community for Humanity" at the end of the road going nowhere.
written by Bureau, 16 March 2009
Bristol Palin's boyfriend leaves her and baby because he is "not mature enough"
"Sure, I'll sleep with a chick, no problem, but be a father? That's for old dudes with money who like diapers and putting up with girl's PMS'ing and stuff."
written by unknown
Madonna gets star on Walk of Fame
Fittingly, it is right between a manhole and the gutter.
written by unknown
George Clooney questioned about possibility of Ocean's 14
"I don't know if we'll do that first, or be like Star Wars and go back and do all of the prequels (Oceans 1 thru 10)."
written by unknown
American third graders fail to pass standardized history test.
Most identify Ralph Waldo Emerson not as a famous writer, but as a missing guy in a striped red and white shirt and beanie.
written by unknown
Paris Hilton fires publicist
"There have not been enough new, naked pictures of me on the internet lately."
written by unknown
Human embryo transplanted into dog's womb born at Johns Hopkins
Bouncing baby boy is true son of a bitch.
written by unknown
Pets Abandoned In N.H.
After her death, over 2000 sea monkeys have been found in an old lady's house in Fairmont, New Hampshire. "I've never witnessed anything like this", stated one police officer.
written by Bureau, 16 March 2009
Meat Department Suspicions
In a study of the nation's grocery meat department managers, nearly 90 percent are now vegetarians.
written by Bureau, 16 March 2009
Smoke Allergy
A four-year-old kid, apparently allergic to candle smoke, blows snot all over the top of his birthday cake as neighbors the other kids yelled "Cool!".
written by Bureau, 16 March 2009
Fake Dog Barks Sound Haunted
The Department of Homeland Security has replaced all their fake barking dogs all along the United States coastlines as some were badly distorted by the sea water & scaring the people who lived there.
written by Bureau, 16 March 2009
Fight At R&R Hall Of Fame
A fight broke out at the Cleveland, Ohio Rock & Roll Hall of Fame between The Moon Walkers and The Duck Walkers.
written by Bureau, 16 March 2009
Fuzzy Killer
A Chicago motorist in Classic 1956 Chevy was choked to death by a pair of fuzzy dice dangling from the rear view mirror during a crash.
written by Bureau, 16 March 2009
Double Explosion
In New York City thins morning a dropped water balloon from a skyscraper exploded a balloon and a man's head.
written by Bureau, 16 March 2009
