Millions increase their donations to Comic Relief
They want some of it spent on food for Claudia Winkleman.
written by Roy Turse, 13 March 2009
Comic Relief begins
The BBC has launched this year's Comic Relief, and has guaranteed that it will really be a relief from comedy. Anyone finding the evening's entertainment funny is advised to see their doctor.
written by MonkeyInTheBath, 13 March 2009
A boy has achieved grade A in his Maths A level at the age of eight
When asked what the prime factors were regarding his achievement, he replied 2.2.2
written by Roy Turse, 13 March 2009
Godzilla Loose Again
Idiot Savant Japanese scientist barely has time to report that he has cloned Godzilla before he's flattened.
written by Bureau, 13 March 2009
Spies Cooking Up Something
The National Inquisitor announces that Martha Stewart's jailing was planned, so that she could speak to inside spy who was left a top secret message to pass on by Julia Child.
written by Bureau, 13 March 2009
Joined Eight Miles High Club
Local Boogertown couple who joined The Eight Miles High Club after having sex while listening to the Byrds can't find where they are supposed to register, fear they've been had.
written by Bureau, 13 March 2009
Japanese Students Highest, Lowest
Japanese high school students score highest in the world on math, science and geography tests, lowest on pregnancy tests.
written by Bureau, 13 March 2009
Gilbert, Diller In Plain Crash?
Phyllis Diller, Gilbert Gottfried, Ugly Betty along with 150 other passengers all believed missing and feared dead after reported plain crash.
written by Bureau, 13 March 2009
David Cameron has apologised for the Conservative's part in the debt crisis
But he says with hindsight he's glad they didn't try to win the last election.
written by Roy Turse, 13 March 2009
College Freshman Initiation Prank
Georgetown University in a Freshman initiation prank has conducted a raid on the Smithsonian Institute and came back with a frilled pair of panties once belonging to J. Edgar Hoover.
written by Bureau, 13 March 2009
Renegade Macho's Tattoo
A renegade macho Mormon leader is said to have a big tattoo, "Born To Raise Hundred Kids" on his left ass cheek.
written by Bureau, 13 March 2009
Insider Shares Knowledge
An unidentified unconfirmed source has told The Spoof that, according to a rumor, a bystander looking over his shoulder has seen a member of the writing team making up a Snippet as he was writing it.
written by Bureau, 13 March 2009
Michael Jackson has sold out at the O2
They say he's just in it for the money now.
written by Roy Turse, 13 March 2009
The Hot Polar Bears
Global Warming is starting to affect the polar bears. One photographer for National Geographic reported seeing a male polar bear rubbing suntan lotion on his spouse.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 13 March 2009
Condi Rice's Second Book
Condoleezza Rice's second book will hit bookstores this weekend. It is a semi-autobiographical romance novel set in Baton Rouge, Louisiana and is titled "Dirty Rice."
written by Abel Rodriguez, 13 March 2009
Amy Winehouse's Sherbet Habit
Amy Winehouse was seen snorting sherbet at a London nightclub. When asked why she would snort sherbet, Ms. Winehouse replied, "Because they were out of Ice Cream."
written by Abel Rodriguez, 13 March 2009
Reese WitherWhat?
Actress Reese Witherspoon revealed on The Ellen DeGeneres Show that she is changing her name to the better sounding Reese Witherfork.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 13 March 2009
The California Pole Dancing Contest Winner
The winner of The 2009 California Pole Dancing Contest was 21-year-old Lompoc native, Anorexia Nervosa (her real name).
written by Abel Rodriguez, 13 March 2009
Really Big Bailout!
During this coming week, a group of representatives from Fort Know will ask for a trillion dollars in gold from the congressional committee after they admitted they had invested it with Bernie Madoff.
written by Bureau, 13 March 2009
Faceplant Almost Total Success
A team of surgeons have successfully used an explosion victim's face as a transplant for someone who suffered facial scars from a disease. The only drawback thus far is the constant look of surprise!
written by Bureau, 13 March 2009
Sperm Bank Hold-Up
A female robber mistakenly robbed a sperm bank this morning & was handed a bag with dye. Six minutes later the bag exploded and she and several bystanders became partially purple and totally pregnant.
written by Bureau, 13 March 2009
ABC May Make Cuts
The bad economy has now hit ABC's Good Morning America, who will have to cut 25%. Odds are it's the weather guy. The news guy will just add it onto the end of the news. Still, it was a tough choice.
written by Bureau, 13 March 2009
Bernie's Confession
While in jail, a very wet Bernie Madoff, who made off with client's money, confesses that his wife's cousin Bernie Bankheist has been the guy holding up banks over the past 40 years.
written by Bureau, 13 March 2009
Nigeria Says They Would Accept Madoff
Madoff The Swindler has requested that he receive a harsh sentence and would like to spend all his jail time in Nigeria where he could do some community service in teaching from his cell.
written by Bureau, 13 March 2009
Bush Ranch Gone?
Bernie Madoff apoligized to the people he swindled and included a special message to former President Bush about the Bush daughters investment concerning the ranch which he'll hear about shortly.
written by Bureau, 13 March 2009
Edwards Addresses Brown U.
Former presidential candidate John Edwards spoke to Brown university students this week and told them to study the past 10 years of his own life and do the opposite.
written by Bureau, 13 March 2009
Obama Hits Sex In Schools
President Obama is trying to pass a merit raise for teachers who do exceptional work in their classrooms but demote those having sex with their students.
written by Bureau, 13 March 2009
Madoff At It In Jail
Bernie Madoff has pled guilty in court to running a Ponzi scheme. He has been moved to another cell after convincing the other prisoners to get him out to go get his secret cache & bring them a share.
written by Bureau, 13 March 2009
Current Event Horizon
While ingesting large quantities of matter at lunch today, Rush Limbaugh attained critical mass, collapsing in on himself to become a black hole. Physicists predict a right spin of -1 for the object.
written by The San Francisco Onion, 13 March 2009
Kell Logg Flake Company At It Again
Kell Logg ships 2 tons of children's cereal with Michael Phelps' image on box 2000 miles to San Francisco's pot-smoking homeless. Area tooth decay rates expected to surpass those of your children.
written by The San Francisco Onion, 13 March 2009
The Pretty (and Rich) Bernie Madoff
Bernie Madoff has not even been in jail 24 hours and he has already been voted, "The Prettiest New Face in The Place."
written by Abel Rodriguez, 13 March 2009
The Amazing Mormon Crickets
The U.S. spent $1 million to study the Mormon crickets. The results revealed that the Mormon crickets tend to have more than one spouse and they enjoy listening to the music of the Osmond family.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 13 March 2009
The Offical United States Religion
Congress has proposed that the United States establish an official religion. Opponents worry that it could lead to other things such as the establishing of an official breakfast cereal.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 13 March 2009
Dr. Oprah Winfrey
Rihanna and Chris Brown appear on The Oprah Show. Oprah tells Rihanna to find some self-esteem pronto. She then turns to Chris and tells him, "Boy, don't you ever be beatin' my girl again!"
written by Abel Rodriguez, 13 March 2009
A Bright Note On The Nation's Economic Crisis
The Wedded Bliss Society of America has put out its first quarter report. It states that divorces are down by 37%. Which clearly proves that the poorer a married couple is the happier they are.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 13 March 2009
For Sale: Lots and Lots of Pork Barrels
The American spending watchdog agency, I See You has just released a report stating that the 2008 pork barrel spending was 700 percent greater than the 2008 chicken barrel spending.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 13 March 2009
California - "The Sinsemilia State?"
Due do the fact that California may go bankrupt, the state's legislature is considering legalizing and taxing marijuana. So far opponents to the measure have not been found.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 13 March 2009
The Johnston's Are Not White Trash
Mercede Johnston, said Bristol Palin dumped her brother, Levi because his family is nothing but White trash. Mercede said Bristol is nothing but a little $%#&* and she's gonna kick her %@#*$ ass!!!
written by Abel Rodriguez, 13 March 2009
GM Turns Down $2 Bailout
General Motors has turned down the $2 billion bailout from congress in April. They say all their cars didn't need undercoating after all.
written by Bureau, 13 March 2009
Hippies Demand Rights
Hippy group condemns Mormon group for living as one big family and sharing everything, but not with them.
written by Bureau, 13 March 2009
DNA Results In
After reviewing the full results of DNA study, officials say they can now tell who was related to whom at Texas Mormon Compound. States of Arkansas & West Virginia say they may give it a try also.
written by Bureau, 13 March 2009
KRAP Weatherman Excited!
Meteorologist's loud "Yeeeehawww!" heard over open mike during announcement of tornadoes being spotted in the vicinity!
written by Bureau, 13 March 2009
Former VP On ABC
Former Vice President made a surprise appearance on ABC's Good Morning America this morning to let everyone know that he is still alive.
written by Bureau, 13 March 2009
Pet Store Elephants
Pet stores in both New York and London are reporting that miniature elephants seem to be the latest thing.
written by Bureau, 13 March 2009
Wreck At WalMart
Three injured in WalMart handicapped cart crash which was loudly proclaimed as a "Pile-Up In Aisle Five!" No stampedes this time.
written by Bureau, 13 March 2009
Counterfeiter Caught
A man was caught and hauled off to jail in Cleveland, Ohio after he tried to pass a $20 he had copied with play dough.
written by Bureau, 13 March 2009
Daily Blaster Expose'
Reporter for the Daily Blaster newspaper in Freemont, New Jersey writes expose on doughnut shop as only a front for a police station.
written by Bureau, 13 March 2009
