There were 103 spoof news snippets published in March 2007. A selection of the best rated snippets is shown here. You can use the calendar on the right hand side to get all the news snippets from a day in this month.
First Presidential hopeful withdraws from Democratic Party nomination process...
...leaving only 125,314 candidates remaining.
written by unknown
President George W. Bush views tornado destruction in Enterprise, Alabama and is upset at the scene
"I couldn't locate the bodies of Kirk or Spock anywhere and was hoping to find me one of those phaser thingies."
written by unknown
News of 218 pound eight year old being taken from parents for negligence causes mixed reactions
Fat Albert goes on sugar eating binge due to jealousy
written by unknown
President Bush sets personal record by going three days without saying something stupid.
Doctors blame the problem on laryangitis.
written by unknown
Speedy Alka Seltzer caught sipping Pepto Bismol
He comes out of the closet and admits that "I like being in the pink."
written by unknown
"Rent a Wife" says she'll do housecleaning, sewing, and dishes, but no sex.
Men wonder what makes that different than most marriages.
written by unknown
Middle East: Iraq to change name to Iram.
Olympic athletes have had enough of trailing Iran in opening ceremonies.
written by Fergus McCarthy, 31 March 2007
Portrait of Queen Elizabeth II Appears on The Spoof
The Palace demanded it, since many people think that Helen Mirren is "The Queen."
written by Gail Farrelly, 01 March 2007
Barron William Trump Celebrates First Birthday
Buys three properties in Manhattan, says "You're fired" to his nanny, hangs an even bigger American flag on his Florida home, and sends a nasty e-mail to Rosie O'Donnell.
written by Gail Farrelly, 20 March 2007
FDA Says Sleep Medications May Cause Strange Behaviors
Many of The Spoof's writers wake up in the morning and find they've submitted several stories, but they have no memory of writing them. And no interest in reading them.
written by Gail Farrelly, 15 March 2007
Secret Service Nabs Man with a Package Climbing White House Fence
His defense? "Just trying to deliver a large pie with pepperoni."
written by Gail Farrelly, 17 March 2007
Vincent ("Sleepin' with the Fishes") Pastore Wants to Come Back to "Dancing with the Stars"
Plans to whack a current contestant and make a triumphant return.
written by Gail Farrelly, 20 March 2007
Author Terry ("How Stella Got Her Groove Back") McMillan Sues Ex-husband
Claims Stella didn't get her groove back after all.
written by Gail Farrelly, 23 March 2007
Houdini Will Be Exhumed
Plans to audition for "Dancing with the Stars" at the earliest opportunity.
written by Gail Farrelly, 23 March 2007
Woman Has Nipple on Bottom of Foot
Finds it quite convenient to put her feet up and nurse her newborn.
written by Gail Farrelly, 25 March 2007
Mouse Takes Man's Dentures
The mouse wanted to put some teeth into an argument he was having with his wife.
written by Gail Farrelly, 26 March 2007
New Yorkers Wonder Why The Teletubbies Are Visiting Their City
Don't ask, don't tell.
written by Gail Farrelly, 27 March 2007
.xxx Suffix for Sexy Websites Still Under Consideration
By Al Gore, founder of the Internet.
written by Gail Farrelly, 31 March 2007
Launch of Space Shuttle Atlantis Postponed
NASA claims Atlantis was damaged in a hail storm, but rumor is that renegade astronauts were responsible for the damage.
written by Gail Farrelly, 01 March 2007
Motorists Outraged that Silicon is Found in Fuel Tanks
"No way should they hire garage mechanics with breast implants that leak!"
written by Gail Farrelly, 01 March 2007
Prince Charles Thinks McDonalds Should Be Banned . . . .
. . . . And McDonalds thinks Prince Charles should be banned.
written by Gail Farrelly, 02 March 2007
The Spoof's Writers Cannot Stop Writing Stories about Easter Island
Administrators of The Spoof say this is a serious, contagious illness. They advise bed rest, lots of alcoholic fluids, and staying away from contaminated places such as The Spoof's Discussion Forum.
written by Gail Farrelly, 11 March 2007
Hillary Clinton Appalled about Implosion of Las Vegas Stardust Hotel
"The result of another vast, right-wing conspiracy," she declared.
written by Gail Farrelly, 14 March 2007
Viacom Claims Copyright Infringement, Sues YouTube and Google
Snippets of the court proceedings will be available on YouTube.
written by Gail Farrelly, 14 March 2007
Son Born to Tori Spelling and Dean McDermott
Liam Aaron emerges from the womb and asks his mom and dad if he'll get billing on the reality TV show, Tori & Dean: Inn Love, featuring their new bed and breakfast.
written by Gail Farrelly, 15 March 2007
Real news too bizzare
The Spoof online newspaper may have to close, as the real news is deemed to becoming too bizarre to compete with!
written by matthatt, 16 March 2007
Apple release new gadget to help people organise themselves better.
Its called the i-DIOT.
written by matthatt, 19 March 2007
Al Qaeda suspect confesses to role in New Coke disaster
The suspect, Walid bin Attash, testified the bad-tasting soda was part of an elaborate terror plot so Coca Cola could exchange cane sugar for corn syrup in Classic Coke...
written by Robin Berger, 20 March 2007
Tainted Pet Food Scare in North America
Lassie returns from the dead to say he may have been poisoned. Demands an inquest into his death, with coverage on Entertainment Tonight, Court TV, and Access Hollywood.
written by Gail Farrelly, 19 March 2007
"Dancing with the Stars" Has a New Name
Since two dancers have already quit, the show will now be called "Dancing with Has-been Celebrities Who Survive the Rehearsals."
written by Gail Farrelly, 06 March 2007
"Wild Hogs" a Smash Hit at the Box Office
Uh....Is that the one about a rogue group of Spoof writers?
written by Gail Farrelly, 06 March 2007
Spoof writer infiltrates 700 Club
and unmasks protein-defying ageing pancake salesman Pat Robertson as the son of Fanny Craddock and Mr Pastry
written by queen mudder, 09 March 2007
Massive Quantity of Ice Found on Mars
Good! Since the earth is rapidly warming, let's hope that the UFOs arriving from Mars bring lots of ice for us.
written by Gail Farrelly, 16 March 2007
Australian Scientists Make Dresses from Wine Fermentation Bacteria
Guys are advised to find themselves dates who are willing to sing as well as wear these dresses. Wine, women and song -- all in one package!
written by Gail Farrelly, 19 March 2007
Missing 12-year-old Boy Scout Found Alive in North Carolina
Had wandered away from the campsite in search of Angelina Jolie, hoping she would adopt him.
written by Gail Farrelly, 21 March 2007
Giuliani Endorsed for President by Steve Forbes
Rudy also gets a one-year subscription to Forbes magazine.
written by Gail Farrelly, 29 March 2007
General Peter Pace Apologizes for Calling Homosexuality Immoral
Says he meant to say "immortal."
written by Gail Farrelly, 14 March 2007
Mystery Couple Rescued After Falling Off Cruise Ship
Turns out to be Kate Winslet and Leonardo DiCaprio, rehearsing for their first post-Titanic movie appearance together.
written by Gail Farrelly, 27 March 2007
BBC and YouTube Form a Partnership
Viacom, spurned partner of YouTube, is in grief counseling.
written by Gail Farrelly, 03 March 2007
Salmonella Scare Extends to Some Peanut Butter Ice Cream and Toppings
And also to squirrel stew, if there's a chance that the squirrels ate contaminated peanuts or peanut butter products.
written by Gail Farrelly, 03 March 2007
The Moon Clothed Itself in Red.....
The world called it a lunar eclipse, but WE know it was clearly a celebration for Spoof writer Queen Mudder and her 666th story, "Sympathy for the Devil."
written by Gail Farrelly, 04 March 2007
Indian Businessman Arun Nayar Has Dinosaur Named for New Wife, Elizabeth Hurley
It's called Dumpedgrantasaurus.
written by Gail Farrelly, 04 March 2007
David Beckham Hurts Knee
Audition for "Dancing with the Stars" is canceled.
written by Gail Farrelly, 05 March 2007
Coming soon to a venue near you....
....one of many wedding ceremonies between Elizabeth Hurley and Arun Nayar.
written by Gail Farrelly, 07 March 2007
Rachael Ray Bitten By a Dog in NYC
So far the dog has suffered no ill effects, but he HAS gotten perkier.
written by Gail Farrelly, 07 March 2007
To Control Depression, Rosie O'Donnell Hangs Upside Down
But how can we prevent the depression she CAUSES in us?
written by Gail Farrelly, 08 March 2007
Captain America Dead!
His fans predict that he will rise from the dead -- hopefully before paternity issues, details of his will, and final burial plans are settled.
written by Gail Farrelly, 08 March 2007
Antonella Barba Booted from 'American Idol'
Conspiracy exposed between Barba and The Spoof's writer Breeze: Barba posed nude and then Breeze (a disgrace to the Leprechaun community) wrote about it -- vaulting himself to the No. 1 slot in the list of top writers on The Spoof.
written by Gail Farrelly, 09 March 2007
In 2003 a U.S. City Changed Name of 'Easter' Bunny to 'Spring' Bunny
Just hearing the news today, the "Whatever-His-Name-Is" Bunny collapsed and is now unable to hop or distribute chocolate eggs.
written by Gail Farrelly, 10 March 2007
The Spoof's Writers Maligned in Breeze's Latest Rant Are Suing, Alleging Character Defamation
The writers NOT included in Breeze's rant are also suing, claiming discrimination was involved in their exclusion.
written by Gail Farrelly, 11 March 2007
TV's 'Law and Order' May Switch Venue from NY to Wash., D.C.
If Fred Thompson (D.A. Arthur Branch) is elected U.S. President.
written by Gail Farrelly, 13 March 2007
Angelina changes Vietnamese son's name
Angelina has changed her son's name from "can't remember now" to Pax which means PEACE in latin (which he can't speak anyway). Guess she is giving Brad a PEACE offering after the telling off she gave him. Does he want it though?
written by Ana Ward, 15 March 2007
Condor spots The Spoof
It was discovered that the CIA has put 3 agent on to monitor and assess the popular site www.TheSpoof.com. They feel that some parodies have displayed scenarios too close to truth for comfort.
written by ErHoff, 15 March 2007
Pope is Pissed
Pope's principle position pertaining to pill popping politicos is primarily and profoundly pissed and preponderantly PO'd. Prays, prepares, perseveres for prosecutions.
written by unknown
Coke Not "The Real Thing" According to Addicts Suing for False Advertising
Plaintiffs undaunted by the fact that the slogan hasn't been used in decades.
written by Selmer, 18 March 2007
Film stars - "no panties rules"
A new bill has been passed by George Bush (he has Bill Clinton's approval) that all film stars (preferably actresses and not actors) will no longer keep their celebrity status unless they are "knickerless".
written by Ana Ward, 20 March 2007
Some Muslim cashiers at Minnesota Target store refuse to scan pork products
Jewish cashiers are mulling over the idea. In spite of the blatant disrespect, pigs remain fat, dumb and happy.
written by TomFoolery, 20 March 2007
Cannibal Cult Leader Faces Death Penalty
Witnesses say he's "eaten up" with guilt.
written by TomFoolery, 20 March 2007
Stress
Stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize you haven't gone to sleep yet.
written by unknown
Sanjaya "Removed" from Idol Competition
"American Idol" audience members were first shocked, but then erupted in exuberant applause during the performance of "You Really Got Me" by Sanjaya when Ray Davies jumped out of the crowd during the song and beat him into a coma. Prosecutors are not expected to file charges.
written by Selmer, 21 March 2007
Study: Chinese Restaurant Food Is Unhealthy
What DOES one feed a Chinese restaurant anyway???
written by TomFoolery, 21 March 2007
Virgins
To all you virgins out there: Thanks for nothing!
written by unknown
Sex
The US Surgeon General says if sex is a 'pain in the ass' for you, you are doing it wrong.
written by unknown
God's Phone Call
Pope Benedict upset that latest call from God routed through Salt Lake City
written by unknown
African Crisis
An African water purification plant has just recently burst into flames, Investigators baffled.
written by decobb, 23 March 2007
Rumsfeld Calls for Gonzales's Damn Resignation This Time
Citing a lack of desire to go down in history as the only significant ousted official from the George W. Bush administration, former Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld today called on Attorney General Roberto Gonzalez to resign.
written by Kagendo, 25 March 2007
Michigan Man Sentenced to Jail After Sex Pact With Girlfriend, 15-Year-Old Daughter
Hmmmm...Must be originally from West Virginia if his girlfriend is his daughter...
written by TomFoolery, 27 March 2007
Homeland Security
Investigation shows Department of Homeland Security to be a fraud. Not really a 'Department', never at 'Home', not to mention 'land', and can't define or spell 'Security'. "Just another administration rip-off." according to top Democrat.
written by unknown
Pope: Hell Is a Real Place Where Sinners Burn in Everlasting Fire
But who'd have thought that so many pervert priests would be so "hellbent" on finding out the hard way...?!
written by TomFoolery, 28 March 2007
Britney Ordered to Don Underwear
A federal judge in Los Angeles issued a warrant ordering Britney Spears not to appear in public without underwear. Emergency order issued to preserve ink and bandwidth due to massive prurient reporting
written by unknown
US Couple Use Baby As Car Payment
- "An 'arm & a leg' would of been too inhumane."
written by Moose&Squirell, 01 March 2007
Girls Caught On Tape Robbing Bank
- See newest 'Girls Gone Wild' video part#5, "Gone Shopping!"
written by Moose&Squirell, 01 March 2007
Anna Nicole Smith's Mom Drops Bid for Body
Man, they'll put ANYTHING on eBay these days!!
written by TomFoolery, 01 March 2007
Tennessee High School Students Make Porn Film Between Classes
They claimed it was the class project their Sex Ed course.
written by TomFoolery, 01 March 2007
Arrest Close in 'Barbie Bandits' Case
Anonymous sources tell SpoofNews that it was Ken who came forward, claiming it was revenge for her and Skipper dumping him.
written by TomFoolery, 01 March 2007
Florida Man Claims Chicken Burrito Paralyzed him
Making it impossible for him to cross the road.
written by TomFoolery, 01 March 2007
Jacko Charging $3,500 30 Second Visits At Exclusive Party
Kids are free.
written by writingguy, 04 March 2007
LA Carjacked Couple Left Naked
On their way to a nudist colony sleep-over, how else would you expect them to "dress"??
written by TomFoolery, 07 March 2007
Groom Accused of Trying to Run Over Wife After Honeymoon in Vegas
Apparently, what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas, but sometimes it lands you in jail....in Vegas.
written by TomFoolery, 07 March 2007
Teacher Denies She Taught Kids Witchcraft
Says they learned to spell on their own.
written by TomFoolery, 07 March 2007
Chaney, Eskimo, off to the Yukon
Following the Guilty Verdict in the Scooter Libby trial, Vice President Dick Chaney has reportedly embarked on a hunting trip with Eskimo Rapper "Yo Bitch - Cook the Fish"
written by Al Lee Wyer, 07 March 2007
400 Down, 575 To Go
Manuel Uribe, who once weighed half a ton, gets a lift on his first trip outside in five years. Where to, you might ask. Why, McDonald's, of course. Local fast food restaurants have gone on full alert.
written by TomFoolery, 08 March 2007
EU To Look At Cloned Meat Safety - meat reproduces
Cloning a lamb chop, a steak or a hot dog may seem disturbing but the idea of two beef sausages 'getting it on' could turn even the most red-blooded carnivore to salad.
written by Tom Taylor, 09 March 2007
Bird Flu Strikes Again! Huey, Dewey and Louie...now Just Dewey.
"Of course I miss them..." Dewey said, "...they were my brothers. But look, I stand to inherit a lot from a certain uncle who's pretty old, and with them out of the picture I'm going to be swimming in it."
written by Tom Taylor, 10 March 2007
Paris Hilton sex tape shock! It's not actually that good.
Jack (34) found that it was "kinda green..." and "...sometimes she looks a little bored."
written by Tom Taylor, 10 March 2007
Britney Spears, Paris Hilton, Not Naked Today. Media Forced To Report News.
In a rare, and boring, day for media and lonely internet surfers, both Paris Hilton and Britney Spears have managed to stay completely covered up.
written by Tom Taylor, 10 March 2007
Sylvester Stallone Not So Sly
It turns out Human Growth Hormone doesn't help your brain to grow.
written by Tom Taylor, 13 March 2007
Heather Mills strikes well-wisher.
After a fan told Heather Mills to break a leg, she removed her prosthetic and hit him over the head with it.
written by Selmer, 13 March 2007
There are 65,000 Gays and Lesbians Serving in the U.S. Armed Forces
Who asked...and WHO TOLD?????
written by TomFoolery, 14 March 2007
Photos of Pop Tart Britney Spears' Bare Butt About to Be Released
But they're so close up, it'll be hard to tell the difference since she shaved her head.
written by TomFoolery, 14 March 2007
Don't Ask, Don't Tell... For God's Sake Don't Comment.
Peter Pace Picks a Public Place for Prejudice.
written by Tom Taylor, 14 March 2007
Bush Sues Chavez
President Bush sues for 80 Gigalbillion bucks in International Court for being called '**** For Brains'by Venezuela's Hugo Chavez- threatens invasion by reason of insanity.
written by unknown
Tom Cruise to attempt MI IV
Tom Cruise has alerted media at his attempt to outdo M. I. III with M.I. IV, doing his own stunt work live on Posh's reality show. Tom is to show the world how he impregnated Katie (he's sterile according to exes Nicole & Mimi) by doing the "deed" live & producing baby number two!
written by Ana Ward, 15 March 2007
Covert U.S. Funds Being Funneled To Al Qaeda
- "We tried to reach Al, but, he wasn't returning phone calls!"
written by Moose&Squirell, 01 March 2007
Atheists in America Increasing
- "GOD calls them 'oxy-morons who need prayer'. "I mean really, whoever heard of a "Non-believing believer".
written by Moose&Squirell, 01 March 2007
Huge Slaughter of Pet Dogs in China Planned
On a related note, there will soon be a surge in all-you-can eat Chinese restaurants.
written by TomFoolery, 07 March 2007
