A Stone's Throw Away

Funny story written by IainB

Tuesday, 14 December 2010

image for A Stone's Throw Away
A variety of stones were used

Scientists at the Internationally Global Nobel Institute in Geneva have been busy this year. One of their major achievements has been to quantify how far away a "Stones throw away" actually is.

"We have identified that it is a little over five metres, or fifteen feet in America," said Josef Pantilif. "It has taken several hundred thousand Euros to establish this as fact."

The calibration of "A Stones Throw Away" has involved a wide selection of people from around the world using stones of various sizes.

"Children as young as five have been included in the study," said Pantilif. "And both men and women up to the age of seventy."

The team did not wish to employ anybody over the age of seventy due to the possible damage to joints from hurling heavy stones as far as they can.

"The furthest a stone was thrown was by the Hungarian shot-put champion, Olga Giddiup. She threw a fifteen gram pebble approximately ninety metres," Pantilef said proudly. "Whilst the shortest distance damaged the foot of my five year old niece, Josefine, when she dropped a nine kilogram stone onto her toes."

All of the distances were put into a custom designed software package written by Pantilif, and basically averaged to result in the result.

"We felt it was important that this very woolly distance was quantified," said Pantilif. "From this day forward when something is described as a Stones Throw Away, people will know that it is, in fact, five point nine three metres away."

Google has used this new measurement in it's mapping software to aid drivers. Distances can now be viewed in Stones Throws Away instead of the more customary miles or kilometres.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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