Chinese Officials announced today that the last Tomagotchi in captivity, a pink Bandai named Bingly Wiggy Nung, died today.
"This brings an end to one of the most misunderstood species ever discovered," said Chinese Director of Useless Gadgetry, Wang Hung Lo. "To see a species become extinct just 12 years after its discovery is tragic."
Since the mid-1990s, Tamigotchi (Wastetimeus Hellokittua) found homes in the purses and backpacks of happy little girls and boys who have nothing better to do with their time. The creatures, which grow up to 25 to 60 pixels in length, are quite time- and attention-intensive, which led many to be disgarded into Tomi shelters.
"a Tomi owner must attend to its needs; feeding it, playing games, keeping it at a safe weight, and cleaning up its excrement. Do you know how hard it is to clean up Tomigotchi sh-t? It looks like little laser printed commas, and smells like curried chicken and feet," said Lo.
Bingly Wiggy Nung was just such a Tomi. Disgarded by its first owner, a Korean-American girl named Pauline Kiki Dee, Bingly went from being a spoiled electronic parasite to homelessness , living and hunting on the streets with a band of feral Palm Pilots.
Upon arrival at the Shelter, Bingly began to flourish. Officials amazed by the strength of his progeny, Bingly eventually collected hundreds of thousands in stud fees.
In recent weeks, however, things turned tragic for the plastic toy. Bingly's lifelong struggle with alkaline battery abuse took its toll on Bingly's circuitry.
Legal troubles popped up when an intoxicated Bingly was caught in bed with a second generation, 16GB iPod-Touch. The iPod eventually reported the event to police, who arrested Bingly. Bingly died in police custody.
"The extinction of a species such as Tomigotchi is sad," said Dr. Lo. "But this isn't the first such extinction (Microsoft Windows ME, iMac, Amy Winehouse's career) and don't expect this to be the end. I expect other species to be extinct soon (AT&T Wireless, the as-yet unreleased iGrenade)"
Bingly's body will be preserved in the Smithsonian.
"PS, I hated the little f--kers. If I found one unattended, I smashed it with a ball-peen hammer.
