Wed Jun 16 2004 18:21 ET
WASHINGTON, DC --
Amidst the intense controversy, scientists have determined that poop stinks, according to Dr. McCloud. This revelation, endorsed today by the scientific community, is set to over throw the current scientific paradigm of odor free bowel biscuits. It is not without it's detractors, however.
"The latest research indicates that not only does poop have an aroma, it down right stinks. In fact, when subject to olfactory analysis and rigorous empirical testing the data is obvious. I can't believe we didn't realize this before." Dr. McCloud said excitedly, amidst the many dozens of spectators.
The announcement given by Dr. McCloud, who is head of the National Scientific Foundation For the Finding of Unpleasant and Noxious Gases and Solids(NSFFFUNGAS), came as a shock to some DC residents.
"That ain't right. I know my S*&% don't stink, my wife smells it before we go to bed everynight", exclaimed a visibly shaking and angry resident. "What he is doing is an abomination" said a religious member of the audience.
Dr. McCloud's 120 minute presentation on putrid intestinal vapor discharge, reveal several other astounding finds. Apparently, and much to the dismay of folk medicine practitioners, it is unhealthy to indulge your appetite in the event of a sudden escape of solid matter that follows a intestinal discharge.
All of this information does not come without controversy. An anonymous source, with connections to the scientists who participated in the 10 year study, revealed "Dr. McCloud's data is incomplete and needs to be looked into further."
The same source went on to say, "Dr. McCloud's test subjects were not randomly chosen at all, which means the test results are hopelessly skewed!". This allegation is at the heart of the controversy.
The same agitated insider insisted that Dr. McCloud 'forced' the data to fit his preconceived conclusion, based on an incident 10 years prior to this announcement.
In 1994 Dr. McCloud filed a lawsuit against Taco Bell, and while the details of the lawsuit have been sealed, a few details have been leaked. Sources reveal that Dr. McCloud had an incident involving an accidental release of his own putrid waste which resulted in a break up with his fiancé Missy, who was a nubile college co-ed.
"She never spoke to him or of the horrible incident after that. She was devastated and his Italian boxers and pants were absolutely ruined" an anonymous juror revealed. "It was odd…All during the trial Dr. McCloud kept interrupting saying ‘everybody's S&%# stinks'-he even got fined for contempt!"
