Astronomers Discover Largest Galactic Clusterfuck Yet

Funny story written by GWB

Friday, 28 May 2004

image for Astronomers Discover Largest Galactic Clusterfuck Yet
Astronomers describe GCF-32345A as “a fucking train-wreck.”

Garching, Germany-A consortium of European astronomers announced this week that they have discovered the largest galactic clusterfuck ever seen.

"This clusterfuck is enormous," says Enrico Fasconi, an astronomer with the European Southern Observatory (ESO) in Garching, Germany. "It's enough to blow your fucking mind."

The clusterfuck, known as GCF-32345A, was discovered using combined imagery from NASA's Chandra X-ray observatory and ESO's 8 m Very Large Telescope in Atacama, Chile. By comparing x-ray and optical emissions, researchers say they were able to zero in on the clusterfuck, which may contain as many as 200,000 galaxies.

"It contains trillions and trillions of stars," says Fasconi. "And they're all crashing into each other and shit. It's just a total fucking train-wreck out there."

"It's completely fucked up," agrees Ludvig Klausen of the Institute of Theoretical Physics and Astrophysics in Kiel. "According to our calculations, most of the stars in this group are either colliding or being sucked into black holes. If there's intelligent life anywhere in GCF-32345A, and I'm guessing that there is, then they're just completely fucked."

Klausen says that the discovery will force theorists to recalculate just how fucked up things can get in the Universe.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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