New species of sea cucumber found

Funny story written by Dr Edward Maxwell

Sunday, 16 March 2008

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A new species of sea cucumber has been discovered today, according to Japanese researchers of note operating an unmanned deep sea submersible named Kaiko.

The scientific name of the animal is Shiteus Flotus, but its informal name will be the "Floating Brown sea cucumber." The discovery is significant, said expedition leader and scientific researcher Dr Onoyoko, a researcher of some note.

"This new data suggests," Dr. Onoyoko said, "that floating species -- or 'fecies' as they are often referred to in scatological textbooks -- of sea cucumbers may be more numerous than we once thought."

Sea cucumbers are, for the most part, scavengers, feeding on debris in the benthic zone of the ocean, in a manner similar to the way some writers on feed on this author's work. The diet of many cucumbers is made up of plankton and decaying pieces of turd they encounter on the bottom of the ocean.

The Floating Brown sea cucumber is different from most sea cucumbers. It is highly mobile and can easily pass through crevices and tight places.

"Floating Browns are flexible enough to fit through holes the size of dimes," explained Dr. Onoyoko. "They often find their way through sewers and into residential toilets. Such is the case for this cucumber, which can cause one to mistakenly blame another for not flushing the toilet."

Dr. Onoyoko said that more study will be done to see what part the Floating Brown sea cucumber plays in the food chain.

(Authors Note: I have noted that stories referencing feceis seem to be popular. This is my take on the subject. Far funnier than most, me thinks)

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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