Oak Ridge, Tennessee - The U.S. Food and Drug Administration (FDA) has issued an All Points Bulletin (APB) for a genetically modified banana that went missing over the weekend.
The banana, known simply as Del-Monte-Bajo-Jalimao (or DMBJ), was last seen entering a Piggly Wiggly supermarket restroom near US Interstate 40. Police note, however, that it may have changed its appearance by now in an obvious attempt to masquerade as a plantain.
"We are confident that we have the suspect pinned down to a 700-square-mile area," said Trooper Ben Chad of the Tennessee State Highway Patrol. "Nor is this the first time we have seen a genetically-modified organism attempt a prison break," he added.
While authorities are busy doing the important work of cordoning off the area, former Republican presidential candidate Fred Thompson made a special trip to the region to help soothe public fears. "This is a perfect example of why everyone should own a gun," he remarked.