Osaka, Japan - Specialists have confirmed that the music of recording artist James Bl(o)unt just might cure brain tumors.
In the same way that some of the world's strongest toxins have medicinal qualities, Japanese doctors believe that the songs (which are especially popular among pubescent Japanese girls) lower the risk for brain tumors.
Normal exposure to the music can paralyze most mammals within a minute. However, the underdeveloped brains of pubescent girls offer an ideal testing platform.
Toxicologists think that by capturing the music and directly applying it to a brain tumor, the poisonous substance will kill only the tumor and not the surrounding tissues. The procedure is being referred to as 'Forced Bl(o)unt Head Trauma'.
The singer-songwriter's bio suggests that he might have developed his rare 'gift' (a word that actually does mean 'poison' in German) while serving with the military in Kosovo.