Scotty's ashes 'may be in Nevada's Area 51/Groom Lake'

Funny story written by queen mudder

Sunday, 13 May 2007

image for Scotty's ashes 'may be in Nevada's Area 51/Groom Lake'
Area 52 supposedly holds the crashed UFO debris and assorted dead aliens

Groom Lake, Nevada - (Ass Mess): Controversy surrounds the whereabouts of the space rocket carrying Scotty's ashes today which, NASA says, failed to blast off into outer space and may have ended up crashing instead into the poisonous toxic hellhole known as Area 51 at Groom Lake near Nevada's deadly Yucca Mountain range.

Scotty's remains were supposed to be vaporised in the stratosphere near the Alpha Quadrant but something went horribly wrong with the rocket and his ashes came crashing back to Earth with a big bump.

Search parties initially concentrated on the New Mexico desert but have since turned to Nevada after a trail of smoke led westwards to the hideous USAF test site where civilians and military perished in the early 1990s after a horrendous bioweapons experiment went very badly wrong.

Area 51 is still a remote desert hellhole in southern Nevada's tightly policed military quarter, at the southern edge of a large dry salt flat called Groom Lake.

Today it still houses the US Dept of Defense and USAF Nevada Test and Training Range and contains an airfield dedicated to the operation and analysis of enemy aircraft and weapons systems as well as secret development and testing of new military aircraft

Unofficially the region got its Area 51 nickname after the number of lethal toxins that were traced to the deadly site, later confirmed to be composed mainly of dioxin, dibenzofuran, and trichloroethylene compounds.

Workers who died there from mystery poisoning had their autopsies analysed by forensic experts from the Rutgers University - whose women's netball team was so famously in the news of late afterm a stupid racist attack by CBS shock-jock Don Imus.

Area 51 remains a US government classified site where civilians are barred and likely to get shot at if attempting to stray into the hellish secret compound that successive Presidents have gagged from judicial access.

Tin foil hat brigades maintain that the toxic USAF nerve-center once housed a crashed UFO which was the subject of retro-engineering.

Others assert that Pentagon officials once had meetings there with 'extraterrestrials' from the crashed UFO.

And other theories say that under the Ronald Reagan/Bush1 Administration the Pentagon used the faclity to develop 'exotic energy weapons' as part of their ludicrous Star Wars Program to shoot into space and destroy any aliens that might threaten the GOP lunatics running the USA who called themselves the One World Government.

It is not known whether the USAF will now trawl the Nevada wilderness to find poor Scotty's remains. The odds of locating that jar of carbon which is all that is left of the Star Trek head of engineering seem remote.

Of course if it had been James T Kirk in charge of the mission, a landing party would be beaming down there right away and Mr Spock's nifty tricorder would save the day by fishing out his late colleague's charred remains from the bottom of the salt flat that we know as Groom Lake.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics



Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Subscribe…
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more