London - (Associated Mess): Cyberspace geeks working on new wi-fi solutions for tracking parole absconders have stumbled upon what may prove to be the ultimate male contraceptive: a subliminal 'pop-up' image of non-anaesthetic vasectomy that connects via an implanted electronic tag to the optic nerve each time a parolee views a desirable female.
The procedure is said to be totally painless and harmless but sends a strong signal to a part of the brain that regulates the testes, automatically shutting down sperm production for up to one week.
And now NHS bosses in conjunction with the prison and probation service are keen to licence this patented procedure that was first tested by UK-based Scientological IVF practitioners.
A spokeswoman for the probation service said that the there were three overwhelming advantages of this newly proposed system:
- First: no chemicals were needed.
- Second: all prototypes had been tested on 'absolute animals'.
- Third: the new system completely bypassed the male multi-tasking obstacle of having to take some form of oral device/pill that was the ultimate downfall of so many well-intentioned but fertile males.
Tests showed other subliminals have proved equally successful, including an image of Tory MP Ann Widdecombe in her bathing costume.
Trials are scheduled to begin next year.
