Governor Andrew Cuomo Pulling The African Queen Up The Hudson

Written by K.C. Bell

Sunday, 10 May 2020

image for Governor Andrew Cuomo Pulling The African Queen Up The Hudson
"Funny, you look a little like Governor Cuomo."

While watching Governor Andrew Cuomo read the latest statistics relating to the coronavirus on Mother’s Day, Cuomo resembled Humphrey Bogart dragging the African Queen boat, up the Ruki River, to Lake Albert, Uganda, in the film The African Queen.

Even his haircut resembles Humphrey Bogart’s. Curly on top, no part, serious long sad face, and looking as though he could use some great gin.

In reality, he's the Governor pulling the entire state of New York, up the Hudson, and getting ready to sink the coronavirus out into the Atlantic, or maybe Lake Albert in Uganda.

Instead of the critical old maid, Katherine Hepburn, who dumps Bogart's gin overboard, it’s Donald Trump as Katherine Hepburn in constant criticism of Governor Cuomo, now insisting New York open its economy.

Bogart/Cuomo is trying to get New York up the Hudson, without any more coronavirus deaths, open the economy when it’s safe, and without gin.

Like the Governor with problems navigating the Hudson River to safety, Humphrey Bogart had to sail the African Queen up the Ruki River, to Lake Albert and sink a German U-boat.

However, the African Queen had to pass a German watchtower.

This watchtower turns out to be none other than Barack Obama. He fired a torpedo on Governor’s Cuomo’s efforts by announcing, “Donald Trump’s original work fighting the coronavirus was a colossal failure.”

Right, yes, but why now Barack?

“Huh? A colossal failure? My pompadour was always perfectly combed!”

Whew.

So Cuomo continues dragging New York through the mud and low waters. He sees the finish line, Lake Albert, the U-boat, opening the economy, back to a new normal, but still no gin.

Katherine Hepburn’s Donald Trump is being nitty-gritty again. Now Katherine/Trump is a self-appointed General fighting the coronavirus war. Katherine/Trump is Winston Churchill in wartime. The first responders his soldiers, though still missing masks and PPE.

Says Barack Obama is the enemy who did nothing to prepare for the war Katherine/Trump is fighting.

But Katherine/Trump, you’ve been in the White House for three years.

“Anybody, somebody, get me some gin, tonic and a slice of lime peel.”

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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