Hello, one and all. Father Hacket here.
It has been a trying time for everyone, hasn't it? The church hall hasn't been this quiet since Mr Fumble murdered Mr Lace at the 'Bring and Buy Sale'. I still maintain he could not have inserted that lamp stand into Mr Lace's bottom without help.
So, what has been happening in the parish? 0Well, Mrs Heidleberg has managed to continue her Schvinkter painting classes on the parish green. There have been complaints about litter.
Mr Nosegay, leader of the Paranoid Pass the Parcel Group, is pleased to announce one of the members nearly opened a parcel on Monday.
Frank Racket would like to remind members of the Parish Perverts Club to observe the two-meter distancing while hiding in the bushes outside the Dorking East Nurses home.
Would members of the Cat Burglar Association please keep their cats at home during the lockdown. Thank you.
The Gay Farmers Annual mince by the river has been cancelled until further notice. Julian and Sandy are very sorry to disappoint. But they will be glad to varda your eaks when the virus has passed.
Mr and Mrs Patter's Church Hall orgy will now be held in the Sea Scouts hut. All members must wear rubber suits and gas masks.
Finally, I would like to thank the Road Kill Cooking club for distributing much-needed food parcels around the parish. I did enjoy the Fox and Hedgehog quiche.
Please observe the two-meter distancing.