Bob Dylan's "Arachnia": Now Newly Comprehensible!

Written by Brett Taylor

Sunday, 30 April 2017

Since Bob Dylan won the Nobel Prize last fall, interest has been high in "Arachnia," the singer's only book of poetry to date. the book has yet to be re-issued, but old library copies are flying off the shelves. But we've just learned that a new edition of the book will soon be published, and will include some previously unseen material. This ne material comes from an early version of the book, and is considered surprisingly accessible and coherent in comparison with the later published version.

Here are some of these newly found, previously unpublished poems:

Uncle Bud's Last Heroin Shipment

"Once I thought I had a ruby in my pocket. But it was only a frog."
--Fyodor Dostoyevsky

look at grandpa smith
ever wonder why he watches yogi bear and don't laugh?
watches all day and don't never laugh
Maybe cause it ain't funny

crystal anchovies/september sun
& who was Gertrude Lawrence anyway?
nobody knows

Ho ho toodullleeho
Up the hill to the outhouse we go
What the fan?
Hip top

Hi de ho
What the hi de ho
Who knows what became of Gregory Corso
Jumped the broom don't you know

Ho ho
What the hi de ho
Over the spinning wheel we go

Someday I will record an album called,
'Knocked Out Loaded"
nobody will like it

no nay
who are you again?
Oh yeah the spider man

Maybe Hitler was a good guy/
I don't know
Who's your mother again?
I like gumby

There's a clown on fifth avenue
And he's reading a book or two
Got Melville under one arm-
I mean the book not the man
Beethoven under the other
Pretty good clown

They call me a clown but they don't know
That's my real hair

And you know is so it goes
don't it

tip top shoes
hit hop blues

Nobel Prize Nobel Prize
Proust ain't got one

Voodoo in the Cornflake

mama, I know you didn't write this/but would u read it to me anyway/there's a great boo that says: whp's tony villette?/huh/tambios mama that's what the skinheads say/baba baba/babbo, who's a whore?/what's asinine? A word/in a word:holy moly mu/it's easy to write like this-all you need is ephedrine/bobbo bobbo/if I jerk off your gorilla will you lend me some magic tape oh hey/if I jerk off your monkey would you renounce perry como oh yeah/comb yeah/la da da da la lo li ha ha ho ho ho/this is not a drug test/OH YEAH/WHERES THE BEANS/skeleton yeah/in the grip of perry the grip of Branwell Brontë/give it to me yeah give me the beans/honey bears hula hoop/someday i'll win the nobel prize go ahead and laugh/goldilocks was building barbed wire fences and barbed wire branches when the calliope music played/then camed drabbo

Under the Cattle Car, According to Anita Bryant

hey bob can I egt some of that mystery meat? …hey, look at captain Doolittle…where? on that train car/funny how he looks like andy williams/ain't it funny how Josef stalin likes the Spanish guitar…who'da thought it…we can relive the tape-just press repeat/hunter gomer, that's my gal/here's another word: are

/when's Jupiter tamale coming to unpack her gorilla?

Midnight Volleyball at the All Nite Lobster Shack

we were all waitin' on Napoleon to cook up the lobsters/that's when the bayonets exploded/who's the big goose now?/i love a fine mystery and a good wine novel, don't you?/brilliant creative endeavor or middle class prank…hmmm/hula hoop skirts don't they look grainy blue…/hoo ha hoo ha/where'd the winged angel go? to k-mart probably/roy rogers don't ride a horse no more/he hangs out in the alley got a morphine needle in his arm/sorry to report it i'll report it on a 45 rpm so don't seem so bad/whowants a dime for the cigarette machine?/when will ward put on the gorilla suit?/gorilla that's the name/the explosives are for the Japanese not the Cyrenes/simon was a yoga counselor/gimme some good vodka it goes good in spaghetti noodles

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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