A Short History Of Yorkshire Croquet

Funny story written by Auntie Jean

Saturday, 26 July 2014

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Croquet Coach

Yorkshire Savoury Croquet, popularised by John Prescott, is a game played on a large lawn. Equipment consists of long handled mallets, two sets of balls and some hoops pressed into the grass. It is quite hard to play when inebriated, but larger beer hoops are used in this instance. The croquet balls are made from a mixture of chopped, cooked bacon. small cheese cubes and mashed potato.

Combine the mashed potato, egg yolk, onion, bacon and 1/4 cup flour in a large bowl. Roll heaped tablespoons of mixture into 20 balls. Push 1 cheese cube into the centre of each ball. Mould mixture around cheese to enclose. Brush with whisked seasoned egg and roll about in some breadcrumbs. Deep fry for 5 minutes and allow to cool.

The balls can then be dipped into epoxy resin compound and left to harden overnight. Paint half the balls blue and the rest red and yellow.

The object of the game is to propel the balls around the lawn by hitting them with the mallet, scoring a point for each hoop made in the correct order and direction.
The sides are made up of either one player per side or two players per side. The rules are the same for singles and doubles. The ways to play doubles are described later.

The players take turns and only one plays at a time. At the beginning of a turn the player has one shot. After that shot the turn ends, unless extra shots are earned. The turn ends when the striker has no more extra shots to play. Then it is the opponents turn to play.

The winning side is the first to score the 6 hoop points and then finish by scoring one peg point for each of its balls. The winning side will score 14 points.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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