Aaron Jesus

Funny story written by walter

Monday, 28 April 2014


The funny story you are trying to access may cause offense, may be in poor taste, or may contain subject matter of a graphic nature. This story was written as a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you wish to back out now, please click here to go back to the home page.

The Israelites had been slaves in the land of Egypt. God sent Moses to Pharaoh to let the Israelites, God's people, go. Pharaoh did not consent. God sent terrible plagues upon Egypt. Finally Pharaoh agreed to let Moses take the Israelites out. They reached the foot of Mount Sinai. Moses climbed the mountain to meet God. Israelites became restive. Gathering around Aaron, they asked him to make them gods, a golden calf, to lead them. Their tension was released; they were very happy.

God, getting very angry, said to Moses, "I have seen these people, and they are a stiff-necked people. God decided to punish the Israelites.

Now Moses called his riot police, the Levites. Said to them, "This is what the LORD, the God of Israel, says: 'Each man strap a sword to his side. Go back and forth through the camp from one end to the other, each killing his brother and friend and neighbor.'" The Levites did as Moses commanded, and that day about three thousand of the Israelites died.

The next day Moses said to the Israelites, "You have committed a great sin. But now I will go up to the LORD; perhaps I can make atonement for your sin." The LORD replied to Moses, "Whoever has sinned against me I will blot out of my book. Now go, lead the people to the place I spoke of, and my angel will go before you. However, when the time comes for me to punish, I will punish them for their sin." And the Lord struck the people with a plague because of what they did with the calf Aaron had made.
Exodus 32-35

Pentateuch, Old Testament, is the first five books of Judaism and Christianity. In this scripture you read: Anyone who goes uncircumcised is to be exiled from his people (Genesis 17:14). If a man has sex with an animal, both must be put to death (Leviticus 20:15). Anyone who disobeys a judge or priest must be put to death (Deuteronomy 17:12). If an ox gores someone, the ox and its owner must be stoned to death etc. (Exodus 21:29)…

Most scholars agree that Jesus was a Jewish rabbi from Galilee who preached his message orally … Christians believe that Jesus has a "unique significance" in the world (Wikipedia) "And she shall bring forth a son, and thou shalt call his name JESUS; for he shall save his people from their sins." MATTHEW 1:21

Anyone who works on the Sabbath must be put to death (Exodus 35:2).

One Saturday, or the Sabbath, Jesus went through the grain fields; "his disciples were hungry, and they began to pluck heads of grain and to eat. But when the Pharisees saw it, they said to him, "Look, your disciples are doing what is not lawful to do on the Sabbath."

Jesus said to them, "Have you not read in the law how on the Sabbath the priests in the temple profane the Sabbath, and are guiltless?

Christians, 2 billions, eat pork, have premarital sex, many commit adultery etc, all and each entailing stoning to death or banishment. Present state of Israel claims to be a modern country with 20% of the population who consider themselves "secular Jews".

Aaron was not a dictator. He yielded to people's wishes. He let people have their own god to worship. In fact, they did not literally worship the golden calf. It symbolized god, just like the tablets of Moses or the icons found in the churches. Total world Jewish population: 13.3 million vs. 2.18 billion Christians. Jewish population growth worldwide is close to zero percent. Conversion to Judaism is possible, but the first requirement is Circumcision.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more