Written by Auntie Jean

Tuesday, 10 December 2013

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image for Answers to correspondents
Helmut Haller controversy

Q. Sir.

In the 1966 World Cup final, Helmut Haller put West Germany ahead after 12 minutes. I noticed that in an episode of Fawlty Towers, Basil, with a bandage on his head is being rude to a table of very pleasant mannered Germans.

On the credits I noticed the name of Helmut Haller. Is this the same Helmut Haller who scored the goal for West Germany?

Colonel Blink (Chipping Norton).


A. Yes it is. Helmut Haller, now a transsexual, lives as a "butch" dyke on the Island of Balamory in Scotland. After all the controversy and complaints about whether England were allowed to win World Cups it was decided that they weren't. Haller objected to this despite being on the wrong side of the fence and shot a member of the commitee in the arse with a BB gun.

While serving his 10 year prison sentence he became involved with a female lipstick lesbian prison administrator and had the operation. She lives a happy life now growing thistles as a hobby. No one knows why he was in Fawlty Towers I'm afraid. I hope this helps.
P.Dantic-Twat (Saffron Waldon).

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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