Useless signs - part 2

Funny story written by IainB

Thursday, 23 May 2013

image for Useless signs - part 2
A pretty useless sign.

As I continue to wander round this green and pleasant land, I have seen many a sign. These are normally yellow and inform me that the reason it's taking ages to get anywhere, is because there is a lane closed in Birmingham. Most signs are useful. They provide important information, such as if you drive round the next bend at your current speed, you will fly off the edge of a cliff and discover if your air-bags can be used to float the car to safety (they can't).

However, some signs lack this clarity of thought. Take the sign "Do not immerse in water" that the legal team at Tefal have stuck on the sides of their hair-dryers, or the May Contain Nuts sign on a packet of Tesco own brand peanuts. They are not useful. But they stop the company being sued by stupid people.

One of the more common signs I see while driving is "Town Centre", pointing down a road. This is fine, for those who know where they are. They know which town to which the sign refers. However, these local people do not need the sign - they live there, the know where the town centre is. For those unused to the area, travellers through this land, they suddenly have a quandary: Which town centre? Is the centre of the town they want? Or is it another?

Not all signs are observed whilst driving. I was walking through a park in Stockport where there was a small sign some fifteen feet onto a grassed area. Being nosey, I had to know what the sign said, so I approached it. In small, red writing, done using a biro, it said: "Keep off the grass, it is being re-seeded." Only those with the eyesight of an eagle could have read the sign from the path.

Two more signs caught my eye whilst I was driving on the M60. The first of which at first glance appeared to be useful, until I thought about it. It read "A1(M) Junction 62 closed due to congestion." I decided that I would avoid that particular junction, and could do so quite easily, as I was in Stockport, and junction 62 is Durham. It takes approximately four hours to drive there, by which time, I'm pretty certain, the congestion would have gone.

Also on the M60 was another useless sign that at first glance seems useful. It read: "Street lighting not in use." I saw this during the day, so I knew when I came down at night, why the lights were not on. Not that I would have minded if I'd not been told. For those that only drive past in daylight, they don't really need to be told at all. For those that only drive past at night can't see the sign anyway, as the street lighting is not in use. Thus rendering the sign useless.

Keep an eye out for more useless signs - they're out there!

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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