Whose Bed Have Newt's Boots Been Under?

Funny story written by Chrissy Benson

Saturday, 7 April 2012

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If Newt's boots could talk, who knows what tales they might tell?

Regardless of Newt Gringrich's prospects for winning the Republican presidential nomination, it's impossible to dispute that the ladies looooove Newt! And it's not just the ladies - nearly every time Gingrich is scheduled to speak, he ends up doing so to a packed house.

Gingrich's passion is clearly contagious, as indicated by his sold-out debates and standing-room-only campaign events. In fact, it's often said, "If Newt speaks, they will come." Gingrich's female fans around the country might be able to vouch for the accuracy of that particular assessment.

Maybe it's that people love an underdog. Or maybe it's that, despite his multiple marriages and affairs, Gingrich's indiscretions have demonstrated an egalitarianism and timelessness which resonate with men and women alike. Newt's been with his former high school math teacher - perhaps every teenage American boy's number-one fantasy. Newt's subsequent wife was a woman 9 years his junior - no ageist, Newt!

During his third (and current) marriage, Gingrich issued a touching public statement avowing his sincere intention of marital fidelity, suggesting a radical shift from his wandering ways. After that, who couldn't root for Newt?

And yet - you can't help but wonder. If Newt's boots could talk, who's to say what tales they might tell? A quixotic and heartfelt campaign trail, a trail of broken hearts - Newt's story has it all. And it's not over yet...

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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