Written by Ellis Ian Fields

Tuesday, 21 February 2012

image for University Challenge: Manchester And Clare Duke Out A Classic
Clearly nothing like a Gloucester sausage. (In fact it looks disgusting - don't put that on my plate!)

As Lord Liverpool may well have ejaculated on hearing Wellington's despatch reporting the victory at Waterloo: "Bloody hell! What a stonker!"

This was quarter-final last chance saloon for these sides, both of whom had already lost one match, and they served up a spectacular, high-scoring tight finish.

The outfit from Cambridge, featuring the deeply intense Daniel Janes, got off to a slow start, misfiring twice to see Manchester establish a lead of 60 to minus ten.

But when they did get going, this game became a humdinger, and while Clare managed to catch Manchester, they were rarely able to overtake and establish a meaningful lead.

Manchester are, of course, a likeable team, led by the affable Tristan Burke who doesn't mind showing the working out: "That's probably Socrates, isn't it?" He asked of his mates at one stage.

Bad luck, Clare. It was a shame anyone had to lose - though it has to be said that this viewer would find it difficult to cope with dear old Janes's semi-final-intensified, er, intensity.

So, Manchester become the third semi-finalists.

Final score: Manchester 270 - Clare College, Cambridge 250.

*We continue to receive letters regarding our reports of matches featuring Worcester College, Oxford. We are sorry we cannot reply to all letters individually...

Among the correspondence this week was this from Prenderghast Chipotle, of Great Yarmouth: "That plonker Blenheim T Thurspit last week who wrote that we should celebrate that hippy Dave Mason out of Traffic as much as composer Edward Elgar is typical of the stick-in-the-mud attitude that's stifling music.

"Why didn't he say X Factor star Cher Lloyd was born in Worcester? Now there's a young woman at the cutting edge of modern music, doing things that Dave Mason and his mates like Steve Winwood could only dream of."

Also, Ms Patti Bouvier, of Seahouses, Northumberland, who says she is no relation to the celebrated member of the cast of the popular animated TV series The Simpsons, argues that we could legitimately make reference to sausages.

"The premises occupied by Worcester College were originally Gloucester College, so you could call the Worcester Team 'The Snorkers' or something like that."

Thanks for the suggestion, Ms Bouvier. We'll consider it.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more