Written by Ellis Ian Fields

Tuesday, 13 December 2011

image for University Challenge: Pembroke Fix Nottingham Good
A university.

Quite simply, the Cambridge outfit from Pemroke were just too good for Nottingham, who probably woke up the following day needing a dose of medicine from local outfit Boot's The Chemist.

Nottingham took the first starter but that was it for the team from the East Midlands. Pembroke College, Cambridge, were generally faster on the button - and even when they weren't in the later stages, Nottingham tended to be wrong with their interruptions, allowing Pembroke to sweep up.

We were mildly impressed when Nottingham recognised a Liechtenstein but disappointed when they failed to pick up the rest of the pop art questions - this kind of failure cost them the game.

The final score was a fair reflection of the play - 280-125. So Pembroke, with one of the few remaining women (the only?) in the tournament, advance to the quarter-finals.

But the issue at hand is where is the review of last week's second-round match?

Regular readers will be aware that a deal was struck between West London media giants EIF News & Features and Col Juan News [sic] that University Challenge would be covered weekly on a turn-by-turn basis.

"Last week was definitely the Colonel's - a simple glance at the previous reports and the calendar will prove this," said an EIF spokesman.

"We here at EIF have no idea what happened - there are rumours of an IT meltdown at CJ HQ, but nothing definite.

"We do not subscribe to the rumour that the ancient Bolivian is 'losing it' despite the fact that a couple of weeks ago his organisation lost a day in the review process."

The spokesman added that despite the unreliability of the CJ network's reviews, EIF would not be stepping in to fill any breaches.

"There is a contract between CJ and the media that carry his reviews. It would be unethical of us to try to usurp his position.

"But we would just stress that we remain dedicated to fair and contemporaneous reporting of the news."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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