Written by Lady Godiva

Wednesday, 27 July 2011

image for Takwana Smith and Anitakapita Jones of Cargo Fleet, Mddlesbrough, both in denial when told they are CHAVS
"We are deffo no' Chavs", say Anitakapita Jones and Takwana Smith

Takwana and Anitakapita met with their favourite Spoof Writer today after calling her to set up a meeting in their favourite restaurant, Morrisons' Berwick Hills Branch.

By the time our writer met up with them they were both 'fit to be tied'. She asked them why they were so obviously angry.

First they sat down at a table near the window with cups of tea and tuna sandwiches whilst the girls tried to compose themselves.

Apparently they were both in shock.

"Origh'! Glad yer came like. Well A just carn believe i' inni' like. Some tossers just wen' an' called us bofe bleeding Chavs this mornin' didn' thee Anitakapita? An' we're nowt like Chavs are we?"

"Naw we;re nowt like Chavs. Just coz we bofe left school a' sixteen an' all, don' meck us Chavs nor noffin' do i' ?. An' just coz we wear berberry 'oodies an' all. Tha' don't meck us Chavs. An' yeah we like The Jeremy Kyle show coz it's ded gud inni'. Bu' tha' still don' meck us bleeding Chavs."

"Anyway," continued Takwana, "proper Chavs like, well they shop a' Tesco's an' Asda so we carn be Chavs coz we shop a' Morrison's don' we Anitakapita? An' our lads bofe 'ave good jobs on the bins so we're deffo no' Chavs. Wo' d'you think then Mrs. wri'er? Coz even the Royal family wears berberry stuff. An' a bet Kate Middleton watches The Jeremy Kyle show an' all. She'll prob'ly be on i' one day."

Our writer, not wanting to upset either of the girls any more than they already were, by telling them that they actually ARE Chavs according the definition of word...pleaded ignorance and told them she didn't really know what a Chav was and she promised to look into it for them.

They arranged to meet up for a follow-up interview the following Thursday, Giro day, when the girls would be in Morrisons doing their weekly shop.

Morrison's special this week. Burberry tea towels buy one get 2 free.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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