LIVERPOOL FC
Dear Editor,
I'm not usually one to tell people to 'f*ck off' but I feel that it's necessary to tell all the non-Scousers who support Liverpool Football Club to 'f*ck off.' It may well be that I've grasped the wrong end of the stick here, so I don't object to Liverpool supporters gobbing off, providing they're proper Scousers. I can't be doing with Australian Scousers, or New Jersey Scousers. They should all just 'f*ck off.' If you ask me, these people need to get a life, like what I have. Supporting the only proper football team in the world - Manchester United.
Surinder Khan (Up the reds!)
Mumbai.
*****
F*CK
Dear Sir,
I don't usually make a habit of telling people to f*ck off, but just lately I've noticed that a lot of people tend towards telling me to f*ck off. Well - they're just wasting their time telling me to f*ck off, because all I'll say in response is 'Just f*ck off.' Simple innit?
J Strap
Glasgow.
*****
AND YOU!
Dear Sir,
This in response to the soap dodging Weegie, J Strap - F*ck off!
Sawney Bean
Edinburgh.
*****
SCHEMIE
Dear Sir,
In response to that Bean pr*ck from Edinburgh: You wanna make something of it ya Jambo? Thought not. F*ckin' schemie.
F*ck off!
J Strap
Glasgow.
*****
UNEDUCATED C*NTS
Dear Sir,
I am not often moved to put pen to paper, but on this occasion, I felt moved, moved I say, to express my utter horror and abhorrence at the way these Man United fans and Jockinese bastards go around telling people to f*ck off. It makes me wonder if any of these c*nts had an education, because it seems to me that all the w*nkers can do is tell one another to f*ck off. Did these f*cking p*ss flaps ever go to f*cking school and learn a f*cking vocabulary? I think not. F*cking c*nts the lot of them. Low life f*cking t*ssers who think swearing's big and clever. If you ask me, the c*nts ought to get a f*cking life.
IC Pinklips
London.
*****
COCKNEY C*NT
Dear Editor
This is just to say that I think - based on ten minutes of study - that IC Pinklips of London is a proper f*cking t*sser. Stick that in your f*cking pipe and smoke it you Cockney c*nt. F*ck OFF!
J Strap
Glasgow.
*****
Hang on. In the immortal words of Monty Python legend, Graham Chapman, this article is getting far too silly. There won't be any more of these entries from Man United fans, aggressive Scotsmen, or prickly Londoners. They're all c*nts anyway.
And now for something completely different...
Lady Godiva shares her innermost thoughts on tobacco kilns in Ontario, Canada.
Coming soon...
