A survey has found that sad people live longer. The people who were rated at school as being cheerful tended to die younger as they took more risks in life and enjoyed themselves 'too much'.
Prof Glum of Hell University declared that those who told jokes and funny stories were causing premature death. One consolation was that those with jokes that always raised a groan were helping longevity, which made some people happy but shortened their life expectancy.
Those who pride themselves in 'having a good grumble' are making a major contribution by depressing people.
Glum suggested that it was a sensible course for people to be taken off anti-depressants. Instead we should be looking for medication to make us sad.
So all you spoofers - depress me by not rating this news story - you will do me a world of good. If you really want to cut my throat give me 5 stars!
Yours in sadness
Jeremiah Wailer
