Israel, allies start playing the old gramophone - in the age of YouTube and WikiLeaks

Funny story written by Global Citizen

Friday, 6 May 2011

image for Israel, allies start playing the old gramophone - in the age of YouTube and WikiLeaks

Coming from known sources, and having the reputation to distort the truth and thereby prevaricate, many seem to hear again the old familiar tune, having the distinguished smell of napalm too, that used to play one single, old, scratched gramophone over the last fifty odd years. Surely, the quality of that once globally famous 'tune' has degraded and degenerated to the forms of 'creaky old noise' this time, that since long has become irrelevant in this age of YouTube and WikiLeaks.

But Internet has not yet changed the eternal human desire to rule, to oppress, to have unquestionable power over weaker section of people. The Arab Spring is a living example of that human desire. To quote a very few tweets from the wisdom of the '56th United States Secretary of State and Chairman, Kissinger Associates (parody)' Dr. Henry Kissinger, this is what the Nobel Laureate thinks (parts in parentheses is the addition here):

1. It never ceases to amaze me that there are still people who believe the constitution (or Human Rights) applies at all times and in all circumstances. Crazy!!

2. Some truly shocking images emerging from Bin Laden's compound. Extremely tacky interior design. That wallpaper is a crime against humanity (as Israel sees Hamas)

3. Friends, you are very welcome to call me war criminal or greedy bastard or bloodthirsty tyrant...but any anti-semitic abuse will be blocked.

4. Today an 8 year old asked me how to achieve world peace. I told him world peace was like Santa Claus: doesn't exist and never will.#Crying

5. Extending the internet to the Arab world was a big mistake. Heads must roll for this. #SoToSpeak

6. Classic Domino Theory: If our SonOfABitch in Egypt falls, then all our SOBs will fall. This is a black day in American diplomatic history (How true now, as interim govt. in Egypt brings Fatah and Hamas together, for the common cause of Palestine).

7. Until you've given the order to fire on unarmed civilians, you haven't really lived-- something you lefty punks will never understand (it is a different matter that 'right-winged' lefty punks of Kolkata fired on unarmed villagers in Nandigram, of West Bengal, India for the disputed 'Salim Group of companies' of Indonesia, and then call it a mistake and not a 'freewheeling capitalistic hysteria' for which they must now pay the price, in the presently ongoing assembly election after 35 years, and as applicable for some of the Arab-leaders).

8. Nixon wasn't an anti-Semite but I remember one Easter when he made me wear a "Sorry for killing Jesus" t-shirt. OK maybe he was anti-Semitic

9. The Syrian people should think carefully before trying to get rid of President Assad or he may have to get rid of you. #Warning

10. Obama keeps fussing about "world opinion". I told him, "If you have them by the balls, their hearts and minds will follow." (and this is what Israel has been attempting again, by playing the old gramophone)

11. When we carpet bomb, you complain. Then we use drones (or precision airstrike at Qana, or in innumerable other places against children, one being one-day old) to bomb and you still complain! We can't win with you liberal punks.

It's time to stop. Thank you, Dr. Kissinger. Otherwise, Spoof can get sued by your powerful interest group, against misuse of 'fair use of copyrighted material'.

That's the old, familiar tune, in the form of 'Hamas being a terrorist organization'. Dr. Kissinger has been contemplating, since long, to have his second Nobel Peace Prize for providing our world with a workable definition of 'terrorist organization' or 'war crime', that can be uniformly applied, across time lines too, to allow present day Israel not sharing its place with Hitler, whereas tantrums of helpless kids get termed as 'acts of terror' that endanger global peace.

The latest that has leaked from interns of Kissinger Associates on this front has not been encouraging. The fertile brain of HK has been struggling, since 1973.

When further asked, by a correspondent of The Spoof on the missing part of the Obama speech 'What about justice and empty dinner tables to millions of innocents killed in war against terror, be it in Iraq, AfPak, or be it by ally Israel in Palestine or in Lebanon'; HK, with his unmistakable arrogance, retorted - 'You liberal punks and media outlets of the type of Guardian. You never understand. Justice is not merely a word, it is a game-plan, which, by its nature becomes the monopoly of people of 'Semitic' and Western origin. Don't come and tell me now that you want justice to be done against 26/11 of Mumbai, following Geronimo. Ants don't dance where elephants party, right? Does justice mean same to ants and elephants?'

The old tune being played by Israel and its allies must change, all due to the symbolic WikiLeaks and YouTube. They must pay heed to Dr. Kissinger, and admit that 'Extending the internet to the whole world was a big mistake. Heads must roll for this. #SoToSpeak'. They would surely find an ally in China. Bush Jr. will be happy to relax his copyright, on this cause, too:

'"And there's an old poster out West that says, 'Wanted: Dead or Alive.' "

They all must go against Assange, to Tim Berners-Lee, to even this anonymous 'HK' in twitter. These people happen to be symbolic heads of the biggest terrorist organizations, as symbolic as Osama bin Laden has been for al-Qaeda. Assange, Tim Berners-Lee, et al. are symbolic leaders of the global terrorist movement that seek global peace, human rights, democracy.

Hamas has merely been a helpless kid, creating tantrums, as expected from Palestine. Israel and its allies must go after the real guys this time, and kill any possible, lasting peace plan as two-state nation may have.

'World peace was like Santa Claus: doesn't exist and never will - not because of Hamas, but because of us'.

Yes, the tune gets familiar now.

End of article.

An appeal: It is high time we have a Nobel Peace Prize for Internet and its ability to stand for the causes that surely was the intention of Alfred Nobel, in its objective of Nobel Peace Prize.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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