100 Years of Telemarketing Crap

Written by youreverydaysatire

Monday, 18 April 2011

As you dash out of the shower soaking wet to pick up the phone, hoping it will be a phone call from your boyfriend, who you had been waiting for by the phone all day, is indeed another prince charming awaiting your presence, Mr Telemarketer. But at the same time he awaits every person living in your district.

"Hello," an Indian voice greets you, "I am from the Australian Telstra Company. I understand you are currently not with Telstra, so I would like to inform you of the special offer..."
"I'm sorry I have to go, bye!" Immediately you interrupt, before the conversation leads to wireless networks, broadband connections and ADDDDDSL networking.

Do not fear, his feelings are not hurt, seeing as his list of Australian home phone numbers are as long as the Great Wall of China. And no, the Great Wall of China wasn't built to keep the rabbits out, according to the Telstra ad.

Are there no laws to protect us from these pointless phone calls? Yes, it may be their occupation and their lifelong dream/ambition, but after all these years have they not realised that when people say "I'll call you back later", that it really means "One down, nine hundred billion more to go" or in a more simpler word "Sucker".

However, not all situations end in this way. The elders sure seem to keep on the phone for a bit longer, thinking that it's their sons and daughters calling to see how they were. This gives Telemarketers a slight boost of confidence. Well, that is until they realise their sons and daughters do not have an Indian accent. But let's not forget Ashram Bughefi, the greatest Telemarketer of all time. He held the Guinness world record of 0.0000011111 seconds for staying on the phone with a customer.

Is there really a reason for having telemarketers? Aren't shopping malls and door-to-door sales enough? It makes no sense that people who could easily sell products or services in a proper store would choose to sell it over the phone. Yet even why these telemarketers are based half way around the world when selling an Australian product? Yes, the country is in an economic downfall but I assure you the 'Australian Owned' barbecue set with the words 'Made in China' engraved in a size two font, located at the coal placement area, is enough foreign products/ services for the Australian public to handle. Thus, for now, the only option is to hang up the phone straight away as every second you spend with Telemarketers is more money needed to be payed on your home phone bill. Well that is unless you have Optus' $99 Unlimited Home Phone Plan.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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