Melbourne's Worst Commercials of 2009

Funny story written by Australian News Reporter

Thursday, 24 December 2009


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This spectacular annual event takes place every December in every year since it's first successful launch in December 1994. In December 1994, the reporters of The Spoof went around the Melbourne CBD in trains, trams and buses interviewing exactly one hundred people about the worst commercials they had seen all year. Commercials from previous years were not accepted. Some citizens chose not to answer, which we respect dearly.

This year, it's back and better than ever but instead of being interviewed at the Eureka Skydeck, the crew were at Flinders Street train station and Federation Square! It's always nice to know what Melbourne citizens think are the worst commercials. Last year, the winner was the APIA with Noni Hazelhurst and Max Walker with a total of 231 citizens out of one thousand. The record for the highest number of citizens agreeing on one commercial was the infamous Toohey's Extra Dry commercial showing a disembodied tongue walking to a party, grabbing a beer and coming back in the man's mouth which had a total of 782 citizens.

Here are some quotes from some citizens who participated in this:

"I really hate that commercial with that dumb lady moving her eyes to some annoying piece of crap of a music. Worst I've seen all year!" - Albert

"My worst was the Cadbury Eyebrows ad. It is kinda cute, but extremely annoying with that bl--dy music and the damn balloon!" - Grogan

"That poo-poo explosion crap disgusted me the first time I saw it. Was gonna throw up myself when I first saw it." - Emily

"I hate the Holeproof Two Stripes with the man and woman making out on a bed! It disgusts me and I was gonna write a complaint. My wife and I hate seeing this rubbish being advertised during daylight." - George

"The Cadbury one with the dogs! I was gonna cry when I saw it because obviously, this is animal cruelty to poor dogs who do not wanna do this! I definitely wrote a complaint and was happy to see it gone!" - Denise

"You Complete Me absolutely annoyed me at the start of the year!" - Sandra

"HOGSTER! That rubbish annoyed me on weekend mornings." - Kathy

"The um Pull-Ups with the L platers on the bottoms of poor babies! Well L stands for LOSER!" - Bondi

"I really hate the It's 'Me Bank' commercial because it is traumatising seeing old adults talking crap about some insurance company!" - Joe

Here are the tallied up results altogether equalling one thousand:

Medownick 'Eye Dancing Lady' - 581
Cadbury 'Eyebrows' - 168
Baby Love 'Number 3s' - 108
RACV 'You Complete Me' - 101
Huggies Pull-Ups 'L' Platers - 28
Yellow Pages 'Small Penis' - 4
Full Smarter White Milk 'Old lady' - 3
Hogster - 2
TCA 'Motorcyclists' - 2
Holeproof Two Stripes - 1
It's 'Me Bank' - 1
Cadbury 'Dog' - 1

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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