The following is a telephone conversation between U.S. Army Airborne School and a caller.
• U.S. Army Airborne School, Ft. Benning, Georgia. Can I help you?
• Yes! This is a long distance call. I would like to have some information about paratroopers and skydiving training.
• Sir, I'm afraid, we provide only paratroopers training. Skydiving is not within our jurisdiction. I see what you mean. Anyway, I can redirect you to a skydiving school at Atlanta.
• How long does it take to graduate from your school?
• Since this information is not classified, I do not mind passing it to you! Paratroopers need three weeks: 1st week, landing; 2nd week, tower practice; 3rd week, actual jumping. After the completion of five successful jumps out of an aircraft, soldiers receive basic parachutist wing. I see. You would like to know how our wings look like: size, type of metal, design etc. If you login to our site you'll find the pictures. Anyway, after receiving the wing, a soldier can be assigned to an airborne position within an airborne unit. Officers and NCOs are eligible for additional training in an Advanced Airborne School offered at Ft. Bragg. The last stage of training gives the paratrooper the Master Parachutist Wing. Sorry? I already told you that you can see several pictures of the wings in our site. Anyway, as to skydiving, we know that the trainees undergo 7 levels… Excuse me! I see. You're collecting information for you client. Who's this client of yours?
• Actually, my client is in desperate need of these courses.
• Is your client a soldier or civilian?
• Well, can you keep a secret? Fine. He's Chairman Joint Chiefs of Staff to … armed forces of a country that I am not allowed to reveal its name at this stage of negotiation.
• O.K. What's your revolutionary general really interested in? Can he travel to USA? Oh! I see. Visa problem. O.K. I see. You're ready to pay cash in advance. Could you please tell us what your client is really after? I see. Sir, do you really plan to let you revolutionary general undergo this intensive training?
• Why not.
• Because even some soldiers are not qualified to participate in this training.
• What do you mean?
• I mean physical training, and …
• And what?
• Did you say your client was Chairman Joint Chiefs of Staff to… Hold on the phone, please. Well, I gave 'Chairman Joint Chiefs of Staff' plus some additional stuff to Google Images. I'm afraid, your client is not athletic and weighs more than 500 lb! Are you sure you've called the right place? 'cause we're not engaged in any form of weight losing. I see. Then, I'm afraid, your client isn't eligible for this type of training. Besides, our equipment such as parachutes, ropes, aircraft etc is not built for over-weight individuals. Oh, I see. You're simply interested in certificates, wings and badges. And you're prepared to fully pay for the actual training in cash. Before, I answer your question, may I ask why you're so intersected in getting these things. I see! Public Relations and Image Enhancement. Did you say it was not unprecedented? Could you elaborate a bit? I see! Like Oxford University Ph.D. degrees!
