Written by Bureau

Saturday, 7 March 2009

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image for The Bachelor Jason Now On Apology Tour
"Honey, Bring Me Another Shotgun Shell!"

"I realize I'm probably right up there with Osama Bin Laden as the most hated man in America right now," and so The Bachelor Jason Mesnick has embarked on a national "I'm sorry for the last-minute Molly for Melissa uh....Molly switcheroo on national television" tour. First daytime TV stop: The Ellen DeGeneres Show , where he offers fans this old chestnut:

"I think what I want to do first is to apologize to everybody out there in TV land. All the fans of the show because thank you for watching, but this was my real life and it was the hardest thing I ever had to do. Well, second largest after my goldfish dying suddenly like it did."

"I made some big mistakes and that's what I wanted to sit here and talk about today, about Melissa and uh, Molly-the mistakes that I made. But in the end I found my true love....Mellissa..uh, Molly...shit."

He also expressed his regret over telling Melissa on camera about his feelings for Molly...Melissa!

"I completely regret doing that," he says. "I've regretted it every single day since that happened and I will regret probably every day for the rest of my life and on into my afterlife, I'm sure. "

The producers obviously really wanted me to do it on the show, but I take full responsibility for my actions. I could've not shown up and when I look back, I was just trying to do what I thought was right for me, and if I could go back and do it all over again I would not do what any of those things I did do and which I apologize to the fans of the show and to Mollissa, Milly, herself."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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