Go to your local supermarket. Take with you the nearest thing you can find to a preschool child - a fully grown goat is excellent. If you intend to have more than one child, take more than one goat. Buy your week's groceries without letting the goats out of your sight. Pay for everything the goats eat or destroy. Until you can easily accomplish this do not even contemplate having children.
Hollow out a melon. Make a small hole in the side. Suspend it from the ceiling and swing it from side to side. Now get a bowl of soggy cereal and attempt to spoon it into the swaying melon by pretending to be an airplane. Continue until half the cereal is gone. Tip the rest into your lap, making sure that a lot of it falls on the carpet. You are now ready to feed a 5-month old baby.
Learn the names, appearance and endorsed toys of every cartoon character on Saturday Morning TV. When you find yourself singing the theme song from at least 5 of these shows at work, you may finally qualify as a prospective parent.
Can you stand the mess children make? To find out, first smear Peanut Butter on the sofa and jelly on the curtains. Hide a fish sandwich behind the CD and leave it there all summer. Stick your fingers in the flower beds then rub them on the clean walls. Cover the stains with crayons. How does that look?
