Milwaukee claims Monopoly in 'People Who Say Bubbler' Market

Funny story written by The Iroque Tribe

Sunday, 12 June 2005

A study released today by Refreshment magazine claims that Milwaukee has a Monopoly in a very selective area: 'The People Who Say Bubbler' Market. Milwaukee Mayor Tom Barrett plans to honor the news with the announcement of the construction of a huge bubbler adjacent to Calatrava's addition to the Milwaukee Art Museum.

"The city really wants to take advantage of this new distinction," claims Barrett, "We want to embrace this. Milwaukee is know for Miller Brewing, the Sausage Races at Miller Park, and the Brewers, but this is different, it is something unique to the city."

Local citizens are touting the day as historic in Milwaukee's long rich history of accomplishments. "We have that winged art museum thing, sure, but this is what Milwaukee's really known for," said Daniel Gibbins, West Milwaukee resident.

Across the coutry, Milwaukee is not known for much. "Isn't is that city north of Chicago?" Samantha Dales asked. "I swear I thought I went there, but I am pretty sure I haven't. Unless, wait, don't people say that one word there. The one word those people from Milwaukee use when they want to know where the water fountain is. They always ask for this crazy thing. Something that describes, well it's that one word."

That one word she is refering to is bubbler. A bubbler, also known as a "water fountain" in certain uncultured areas of the country, has increased in its value over the last decade.

Milwaukee has grabbed this bull by the horns. The city will milk this for all its worth. Statues, festivals, art, and new city parks will be built to honor the word and its fantastic usage. For Milwaukee it provides a major source of economical advantage over other cities in the Midwest and across the US.

The federal government is looking into this situation. Anti-trust legislation may be in order to hinder Milwaukee from using its power to bully other, non-bubbler familiar, cities.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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