Fahrenheit 9/11 - Yet Another Review

Funny story written by John Carroll

Thursday, 1 July 2004


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Michael Moore's last book. Image done by Evil Pundit.

Recently, I managed to finally see Fahrenheit 9/11. I had to beat down a group of Japanese tourists who were stopping by the fancy art-house cinema where I love to go and then sell my kidneys to get a ticket, but I think it was worth it, not because the film was really good, rather, but just to see what all the controversy was behind.

First of all, I'd like to say that I was fairly unimpressed with the intial storyline. Michael Moore, played by Sylvester Stallone, has to stop a bus that was rigged to explode by George Bush (played by Tim Curry) if their Fahrenheit drops below 9/11. While I was a bit bored at first, I have to admit that I was pretty hooked by the climax of the film, where Moore must face the evil Judicial, Executive, and Legistlative robots, whom all transform together to form the sinister villain The Government (Which is powered by the blood of the Democrats).

The film began to drag near the middle, though, when Moore seeks to enlist the aid of such washed up Punk bands like NOFX to help him in his cause. The film quickly picked up again at the much-talked-about scene where Michael Moore (briefly played by himself), with the help of digital technology, actually has sex with himself. It caused some negative reactions throughout the audiance (Some vomited, some ran out of the theatres, and others commited Seppuku with the plastic knives from the food court), but I, personally, was intrigued. I found the controversial scene where Moore challanges Bush to a battle-rap face off the most exciting moment of the film, though I did have to suspend my belief just a little to enjoy it (Bush is shown holding the microphone with his left hand, even though he's obviously right handed).

I thought the movie was a drastic improvement from Moore's last film, Bowling for Columbine, where Moore gets challanged to a bowling match between Charleton Heston and the NRA for the fate of Columbine, and I eagerly await Moore's next film, God Doesn't Exist Anymore, which is scheduled to be released in late December of 2005. Overall, I give the film my highest rating ever - A Six.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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