Watch This, Boy

Funny story written by Chuck Terzella

Monday, 15 December 2003

I was sitting at my computer, happily tapping away, writing another little dream sequence about our illustrious leaders when my wife walked by and started reading over my shoulder.

“ You know, you should be careful about what you’re writing. You’re probably on some FBI watch list by now.”

“ What?”, I said, trying to ignore the tingling along the back of my spine.

“ Don’t you know that whenever you use words like terrorist, bomb, president and weenie in the same sentence an FBI program picks it up and starts monitoring everything you write?”

“ That’s impossible, honey,” I said, chuckling nervously, “ this is America; we don’t do that here.”

She smiled, tousled my hair affectionately, then dope slapped me across the back of my head and walked away. When my eyes stopped watering I got to thinking. Maybe she was right. Maybe there was somebody watching me. It was time to set the record straight.

George Bush is my president, a great leader and humanitarian ( FBI please note.)

He is one of the most intellectually vibrant men I’ve ever heard ( Barbara Bush please note.)

He is always truthful about imminent threats to our national security ( John Ashcroft please note.)

He would never put an arrogant war monger in any position of power ( Condi Rice and Donald Rumsfeld please note.)

He is erudite and charming ( Laura Bush please note.)

His tax rebate plan was so brilliant that I’m thinking of taking all the money I’ve ever saved up and well, just giving it back and going as deeply into debt as I can ( John Snow, or whoever thought that one up, please note.)

President Bush know that the old adage is true: What’s good for General Motors is good for the country. Of course, today GM is a third rate car company and the people who really matter now are the military and oil suppliers like Halliburton and the president rightly supports their every effort to make America a better country ( Dick Cheney please note.)

President Bush understands the deeper issues of loyalty in America- that “you’re either
with us or you’re for the terrorists” (President Bush’s speech writer please note.) The Neo Con Republican Party knows that those godless, terrorist loving Democrat liberals like Ted Kennedy are just as bad as bin Laden and Saddam Hussein, if not worse ( Tom Ridge please note.)

Of course, sometimes I poke gentle fun at the weird and wacky things he says and does, but my teasing is meant in the spirit of love and admiration and I’ll follow him to the ends of the Earth...or he’ll follow me, I’m not sure which.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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