There’s a hole in my bucket and I’m going to piss around and sing about it

Funny story written by KendoMonkey

Sunday, 18 May 2003


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"There's a hole in my bucket, dear Liza, dear Liza. There's a hole in my bucket, dear Liza, a hole."

"Then fix it dear Henry, dear Henry, dear Henry. Then fix it, dear Henry. Dear Henry, fix it."

Do you know what? It's people like "Dear Henry" that really get on my goat. And my goat's not one of those that hobbles around on its knees - oh no.

I just get tired of people cracking into musical score when they're wandering the street, flying a kite, meeting a scarecrow for the very first time, etc. - it happens all the time!

The other day, for example, there I was, walking near the Austrian mountains, when all of a sudden this lady and a group of about 6 or 7 children blast past me singing "Doe, a dear, a female dear." Well - educational as it might be, it's completely uncalled for!! I know what a female dear is called. I also know how to beat children within inches of their lives!...but I shall be calm.

So, "Dear Henry", stop moaning. Put down your pail, and do something about it. Get another bucket, fix the old bucket, whatever! Just stop f*cking moaning about it. GOD! It's not like I'd stub my toe and go off on one:

"Oh, dear toe,
I'm full of woe,
my toe is stubbed,
I've never been loved,
by a lady who's from Abercrombie.

The lady, the lady,
who's money is plenty,
but that is not what I am after, of course.
I want the lady, the lady, the lady.

But back to my toe, momentarily..."

Y'see - pointless, dull. I stubbed my toe. I get on with it. There's a hole in your bucket?


The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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