Written by Ellis Ian Fields

Sunday, 3 July 2011

image for Coast Fans Demand More Male Totty
An academic yesterday.

Female viewers of the popular BBC series Coast are demanding more attractive male presenters.

Following last week's episode which did not feature regular long-haired Scot presenter Neil Oliver but managed to squeeze in two new "babes" the BBC has been inundated with demands for better-looking men.

Regular presenters Alice Roberts and Miranda Krestovnikoff were featured in last Sunday's episode as usual, but all the ladies had to look at were 'normal' Nick Crane, overgrown tubby schoolboy Mark Horton and bizarrely-mustachioed Dick Strawbridge.

"It's a bit of a turn-off for us gals," said TV critic Lizzie Celery. "Last week they had Alice parading around in that skimpy vest she favours, then they got her into a wetsuit for an item about photographing surf. And the expert for that item was a similarly-clad posh babe called Lucia!

"Then there was an item about diminished fish stocks off Brixham. They must have really trawled the country for an expert on that one - they found an academic from York University of all places. Oh, yes, and she just happened to be a bit of a looker!"

Tonight's episode is set to offer more ammunition to the ladies seeking better man totty as it features boffin babes Emma Dunlop and Hermione Cockburn.

"I suppose we should be grateful for what we get," Lizzie moaned. "At least Neil Oliver's back tonight - look at him, like Heathcliff, gazing out of the pages of Radio Times. Simply gorge!"

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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