Written by Abel Rodriguez

Sunday, 13 February 2011

WASILLA, Alaska - The 18-year-old sister of Levi Johnston, Mercede Johnston, has decided to follow in her brother's footsteps and show the Johnston family body au naturel in an upcoming issue of PlayGuy.

Levi, the baby daddy of Bristol Palin's two-year-old baby Tripp Tic Tac Johnston, told Bedroom Pillow Talk that his sister will be gracing the glossy pages of one of the top gentlemen's magazines in America.

Mercede, who is known as Sadie by her family, stated that she will take some of the money she gets from the magazine layout and put it towards opening up her very own beauty salon which she plans on calling The Happy Hair Hardy Har Har Hair Salon.

Sadie said that at present Wasilla only has one beauty salon Hair Balls and it is closed on Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Sundays.

Miss Johnston pointed out that she'll also use some of the money and get her mother into therapy so that she can overcome her strange craving fixation fetish of taking freshly fallen snow and sprinkling it on toast.

She smiled and said she plans on buying her nephew Tripp Tic Tac some new toys because the ones he has now have all been chewed up by squirrels, woodchucks, and beavers that have sauntered up onto the back porch where his toys are kept.

The word on the streets of Wasilla is that Sarah Palin cannot stand Mercede Johnston because on a scale of 1 to 10 Mercede is a strong 9, whereas Bristy is a 4 and that's being very generous.

Sadie has been told by several of her ex-boyfriends that she is a whole lot prettier than Lindsay Lohan and unlike Lohan she is the type of girl that a lot of guys would like to marry and take on fishing trips, hunting trips, and dog-sledding trips.

When Sarah Palin first heard about Sadie posing in the buff she shook her head and remarked, "Ya know, gosh darnit! I have no friggin idea what in the world the Johnston family thinks they're freakin doing by running around showing off their peckers and their playpens to the entire country."

"Snowflake" went on to say that she is thrilled that her fantastically gifted dancing daughter Bristol decided to dump that low-life, no account Levi when she did.

She added that from the very beginning she never did like the way he would sit across the kitchen table from her (Sarah) and run his tongue across his upper lip while focusing on her hooters.

Sarah said that one time she told Todd about it and he laughed and said that Levi was just pretending that she was Mrs. Robinson and that he was Benjamin Braddock.

Reports out of Wasilla are that Sadie (Mercede) and her mom Sherry are writing a tell-all book in which they will reveal a whole lot of Palin family secrets.

When asked such as what Mercede said she could not really say but did volunteer that one of the secrets involves Todd Palin's fishing guide the sexy looking Nanicka Zapalicka.

She smiled and said that another secret concerns the "Grizzly Mama" and (news)paper boy, Gantufu Yamfelli, an Eskimo-Italian who used to date 16-year-old Willow Palin.

The book is tentatively titled, 'The Johnston Women Shoot The Damn Lid Off The Palin Family Jar Of Secrets.'

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Sarah Palin

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