Robert Pattinson Claims Five-Vehicle Wreck Wasn't His Fault

Funny story written by Bureau

Saturday, 22 January 2011

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Did Pattinson cause accident?

Robert Pattinson's press agent told reporters this morning that the five-car wreck earlier in the week was not his fault.

"I know you guys. You take a one-word statement of facts and build a story on it. Then it's all over the tabloids for two weeks", stated Arnold Smythe. "This is one of the silliest ones you have aimed at Pattinson that has surfaced so far."

Will Pattinson himself respond to the charges? Was he summoned by police?

"I'll allow Robert to answer that because he knew you would twist things around as usual. I say "No!" and so will he."

Pattinson has recently bought an apartment in Manhattan since he has been spending more time here than back home in England.

So we catch Pattinson coming out of a side entrance about two hours later. We were prepared to wait all day if we had to.

"Oh, there you are you sweet people", he laughed. "Tell me, who thought this one up...Lautner?"

But there were five cars damaged and three people with slight injuries, we countered.

"I'm sure there were and I hope they do well. Send them my love but I never caused the accident."

We next heard an overturned garbage can and laughter from down the alley alongside the apartment building and caught a glimpse of what looked like a fleeing Taylor Lautner and another guy.

The distraction was all that Pattinson needed and we lost him as a taxi had immediately pulled up and he got into it.

So, did the grease from Robert Pattinson's hair really cause the oil slick in the parking garage? That was the tip anonymously called in. I guess we'll never really know.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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