Louie Spence's Who Wants To Be A Millionaire Effort Blasted By Charity Chief

Funny story written by Ellis Ian Fields

Thursday, 23 December 2010

image for Louie Spence's Who Wants To Be A Millionaire Effort Blasted By Charity Chief
Not happy. Sir Lambert yesterday

The celebrity Who Wants To Be A Millionaire Christmas special has been mired in controversy following Louie Spence's failure to win a substantial sum for his chosen charity.

EIF News & Features has acquired the tape of a telephone conversation between camp TV dance celebrity Louie and chief executive of the Royal Home for Retired Hoofers, Sir Lambert Prancington.

Louie made the call from the Millionaire green room after the show, which aired live last night.

During the show viewers were astonished by Louie's constant innuendoes, camp playing to the camera, and flirting with host, Chris Tarrant.

He managed to get to the stage where he could win £25,000 having used all three lifelines, when he answered the question wrong and left the show with £1,000.

Asked who was the king who divorced a queen so he could marry Anne Boleyn, Louie plumbed for Charles the Second, saying: "We'd all like to swap an old queen for a new one if we had the chance, dear."

Calling Sir Lambert, Louie said: "Hallo, Lambers, darling. Did you see that - wasn't I a hoot? Such fun."

But Sir Lambert was in no mood to celebrate: "You dopey f*****g c**t! Charles the f*****g Second? Charles... It was f*****g Henry the f*****g Eighth, you thick bastard!

"And who needs the f*****g audience to tell them it's five f*****g gold rings? A******e!

"Are you completely dense, you gormless shirtlifting a***bandit? 50/50 and phone a friend just to get Nutcracker? You're supposed to be a f*****g dancer, you mincing nonce! Thick as two short f*****g planks!

"What are we going to do with a thousand bleeding quid? Takes £5,000 a day just to keep this lot in linament and gin & tonic!

"Don't show your dopey f*****g mush round here again, f***wit!"

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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