'Airplane!' Final Edit: Leslie Nielsen, Peter Graves and Barbara Billingsley All Die In 2010.

Funny story written by anthonyrosania

Sunday, 5 December 2010


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ABOVE: Three Airplane! actors have experienced the Red Ring in 2010.

The funniest movie to come out during the Carter Administration --1980's Airplane!-- has undergone a final edit this year thanks to the Grim Reaper, with the 2010 deaths of stars Leslie Nielsen, Peter Graves and Barbara Billingsley.

While Billingsley and Graves had millions of fans, some of whom may even still be alive, it was Nielsen whose death has been lamented by most.

"Yeah, I have no idea who those other a--holes are," said 33 year-old 'Airplane!' fan Amir Shabazz, who, ironically, as a Yemenese citizen of Afghan descent, is no longer allowed on airplanes in the US. "But I loved Leslie Nielsen."

For some other cast members, the deaths of Nielsen (on November 28th), Billingsley (in October) and Graves (who gives a sh-t when) are an ominous omen, and are just hoping to make it to 2011 without being declared dead.

"It is disconcerting to be informed of the untimely expiration of our thespian colleagues. May the Angels spread their light around and hold them in their arms," said Al White and Norman Alexander Gibbs, who played First Jive Dude and Second Jive Dude, respectively. " However, better them ma-f--kin' cracker-ass crackers than us, you dig?"

"I don't care if I die. 'Airplane!' was the best and worst thing in my life," said Julie Hagarty, who played Elaine the stewardess. "I only made about $459.00 doing the movie, I haven't worked since 1993, and then there was the 'inflating the automatic pilot."

In 1981, Hagarty was convicted of sexual misconduct, after being filmed fellating a blow-up doll painted to look like an airplane pilot, which she cmpletely ad-libbed. The scene, which producers decided to use in the movie, was introduced as evidence in Hagarty's trial.

Hagarty must register as a sex offender in her home town every year, and she is banned from participating in "Thanksgiving Day parades, children's birthday parties, or anywhere anthropomorphic inflatables are, or could reasonably be expected to attend."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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