Jersey Shore's Snooki Arrested for 'Beer-Bonging' Pancake Syrup on Beach

Funny story written by anthonyrosania

Friday, 30 July 2010

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image for Jersey Shore's Snooki Arrested for 'Beer-Bonging' Pancake Syrup on Beach
Seaside's Statue of Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi, entitled "Toddlers Are Yummy."

The day after MTV's premiere of Italian-American smear-fest "Jersey Shore Season 2: Son of Jersey Shore," tangerine-colored porker Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi was arrested in Seaside Heights, NJ, where the show is currently filming.

Police officials confirmed to MTV News that Snooki, whose given name is Sharon Mevsimler*, was in police custody at press time. No further details regarding the arrest or why she was arrested were available, but Fox News reports that she was arrested for certain gastromnomic violations and disorderly conduct.

The right-wing hatemongers further report that Snooki was seen near the beach at Seaside drinking from a funnel known as a beer bong, although witnesses say that there was actually pancake syrup in the bong. Additionally, she was earlier spotted doing shots of drawn butter and ranch dressing at a local bar. A rep for MTV had no comment on the matter, and then swallowed 2 handfuls of Percodan.

In wide-angle, panoramic photos reportedly taken around the time of the arrest, Snooki is seen waddling on the boardwalk, purchasing 15 pounds of Fried Twinkies. Snooki is dressed in a hot-pink tiger-print T-shirt that says "Feed Me, Seymour!" a baseball cap, sunglasses, a miniskirt (*vomit*) and neon-green slippers. She was photographed being approached by officers and handcuffed, with popular co-stars JWoww's Breasts by her side. (JWoww was not present.)

It is unclear from photos whether the police administered a beating, but one can dream.

* Americans: Google her.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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