Britain Has Talent Winners Faked It

Funny story written by The Medium Cheese

Wednesday, 9 June 2010

image for Britain Has Talent Winners Faked It
Does Briatin Really Have Talent?

Gymnastic Dance Troupe "Spellbinder" is in disgrace today after it was revealed they faked their winning performance.

It has been known for years that many pop idols do not perform live on stage, but mime along to flawless backing tapes. However, this is the first time a dance group has used the a similar technique, substituting themselves with dancing robot mannequins.

Spellbinder's heartless ploy was revealed at a show 2 days after the Britain Has Talent final, when a power cut hit the Dive Theatre in Peckham, London. Steve Smooge was in the audience:

"We were watching them do their act, and suddenly all the lights went out and the music stopped. After a few seconds the emergency lights kicked in, and all the members of Spellbinder were absolutely motionless on the stage."

Stagehand Bert Baxter told us:

"I walked onto the stage to see if they were alright, cos they weren't moving at all. I touched one of them and he fell over hand hit the ground with a metallic 'clunk', and I thoght 'Funny', so I bent down and I could see that his clothes were peeled back to reveal a robotic structure underneath."

"Then we could see mains cables running from the performers, who were all plugged in to a load of extension cables running from a multi-way plug adapter. The fuse had blown and taken out the whole theatre", he said.

Confused Baxter called for help from medics in case the performers had been electrocuted, but the medics soon established that the performers were a group of robots. "They didn't need medics, but mechanics" Baxter said.

Disappointed Steve Smooge had meanwhile left the theatre and found the real members of the group cowering behind their tour bus, parked outside.

"The look of shame on their faces was unbelieveable", he told us. "They didn't know which way to turn. I want my money back."

We asked the Britain Has Talent judges for comment. Piers Lessgan refused to comment, but Simon Trowell said he was very disappointed that everyone, including him, had been fooled by the act. He said the organisers would be seeking to recover the prize money and one of the runners up would now get the chance to perform at the Royal Variety Show.

Trowell added that to prevent this kind of thing happening in future, all performers would be vetted before the first audition stage to make sure they were not robots.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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