Written by C. Cranium

Monday, 31 May 2010

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image for Celene Dion Conceives in Life Size Test Tube
Fertility Doctor preps for in-vitro fertilization.

Las Vegas. Publicist Ralph LeChevra twittered the world to announce that Celene Dion is pregnant with twins. It has been nine years since Dion's first child was born, and at 42 she was concerned and hope was fading. But now the singer is ecstatic to be preggo again.

After years of attempts to get pregnant, in the customary fashion with hubbie and manager, Rene 'shoots blanks' Angelil, Dion turned to in-vitro fertilization. Fertility Doctors at Montreal's Mass General Hospital put Dion and Angelil through the rigors of external sex, and then deposit results in test tube, to no avail. Hope was fading when finally a new in-vitro fertilization process was approved.

Webster tells us that in-vitro is, " fertilization made to occur in a laboratory vessel, …, or other controlled experimental environment rather than within a living organism or natural setting". Stressed by the pressures of the high visibility patient Doctors realized that the dictionary definition could be interpreted quite differently. Maybe the definetion meant do the whole process with a very large laboratory vessel, or one honkin' test tube.

So the first use of the new in-vitro process was done fourteen weeks ago when Dion and Angelil climbed into an enormous test tube with double bed. Doctors passed in the test tube with extracted egg. Dion assisted in arousing Angelil, who then had sex with a different test tube. Angelil's contribution was then combined with the first test tube and handed out to awaiting Doctors. Within twenty-four hours the Doctors confirmed that the process was a success.

The happy Mom to be will be singing her new song "In in-vitro" when she returns to Las Vegas next year.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Celine Dion




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