LOS ANGELES - NBC executives are extremely unhappy with the very low ratings that The Tonight Show with Conan O'Brien has been receiving.
One of NBC's high-ranking vice-presidents, who did not want to be named, but agreed to give his initials, B.G., which he said are very common, noted that twice last week O'Brien got clobbered in the ratings by two PBS documentaries.
On Tuesday he got hammered by The Different Types of Sand in The Gobi Desert and then on Friday he got beaten by The Amazing Mallard Ducks and The Darn Good Reason Why Water Does Not Go Up Their Butts When They Are Swimming On A Lake, Pond, or Whatever.
[EDITOR'S NOTE: The initials in the second paragraph stand for Boris Granfanda.]
B.G. pointed out that more than half of the top echelon executives at NBC have never really taken to Conan. One, who gave her name as Mildred Copenhagen, 52, said that she does not like his first name because it sounds too much like condom.
Copenhagen said that several members of her church choir in Redondo Beach have told her that they do not watch The Tonight Show for that very reason. They all said that they have no problem with the name David (Letterman).
B.G. stated that he has never mentioned it before but the reason why he personally does not like Conan O'Brien is because he has the stupidest looking hairdo that he has ever seen.
He laughed and said that Conan has one of the four top dumbest looking hairdos on the planet. He smiled and said that the other three are King Jong Il, Donald Trump, and David Letterman.
B.G. was asked if simply having a horribly awful hairdo was really grounds for termination and he replied, "Effen A."
Keira Knightley's recent extremely revealing interview will appear in tomorrow's column and in it she will explain in detail what the advantages to being flat as a pancake in the tits department are.
