Written by Rebut

Friday, 30 July 2004

image for Michael Moore is Hulk
Michael Moore is the Hulk

Bruce Banner a lonely, emotionally challenged figure who transforms into the Hulk when enraged, will now be played by Michael Moore. Moore's work as a polemicist is believed to have been instrumental in him landing the role.

A Universal spokesman was not so sure : "Hell, he's fatter, uglier and downright clumsier than Eric Bana so you could say he's a natural. I've seen him do more damage to a room sitting down to lunch than they managed in the first movie in toto".

Nick Nolte was doubtful about using Moore : "I don't have a personality problem with Mike, he doesn't have one. My problem is when the Hulk returns to Banner and it's more frightening than the part where he's the Hulk".

Sam Elliot backed Moore to the hilt : "I think Nolte is overreacting. Today people accept unattractive leading men. I grant you that this is helluva excessive but I'm sure theatre goers will accept him because he's a polecat or something like that".

Jennifer Connelly was asked about the romantic side of Hulk : "Well I do have a get out clause in my contract regarding 'mental torture beyond the pain barrier of a klingon' which we exercised this morning. I have made suggestions in this regard which the director is following up on as soon as the Tokyo Zoo opens."

The studio has in fact confirmed this. A spokesman said that in the second Hulk you can expect to hear the following : "The part of Betty Ross will now be played by Lisa from the Tokyo Zoo. Lisa is not a Gorilla but rather a Chimpanzee say again Chimpanzee".

At the end of Hulk II there will also be confirmation that "Lisa was not hurt during the filming of the movie. General consensus is that she was revolted and angry on the odd occasion but nothing more. In order to pacify her, the producers ordered that Mr Moore be spayed".

We would also warn young children that Mr Moore's glasses were only green because he forgot to take them off while being spray painted. This is not advisable unless you are trying out for a David Blunkett role.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Michael Moore, Bruce

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