English pop band Procol Harum's organist Matthew Fisher today won his case against fellow composer Johann Sebastian Bach for plagiarism.
'It's a victory for common sense', the keyboard player said, after the Law Lords' decision, 'and a victory against what are, to be frank, thieves in the music world. Mr. Bach's pieces 'Air On A G String' and 'Sleepers Awake' clearly lifted the organ melody part from our song 'A Whiter Shade of Stale', and then the German called them his own compositions!'
Over recent years the case against Bach had previously been found 'ridiculous' in the Crown Court and 'absurd' in the Court of Appeal, and 'unintentionally funny' in the Court of the Cases That Are Just Plain Silly,
but Mr. Fisher fortunately then hired famous defence lawyers Aardvark, Blackfriars & Corruptingham, that had famously managed to get amateur boxers Steven Winehouse and Amy Gerrbil off the most blatantly guilty assault cases since Adolf Hitler led his men on an attack on the Munich parliament in the 1920s.
And so shortly afterwards the Law Lords found the case against J.S.Bach 'another shining example of the bad joke of English justice. Framing Irish labourers for pub bombings, allowing people with money to wander round punching people and then finding them not guilty, allowing Prime Ministers and their wives to wander round doing criminal property deals without a murmur.'
'Allowing Prime Ministers to declare illegal wars based on complete and utter lies. Allowing the American military to have illegal air and nuclear weapons bases for decades. Allowing ...' But from his home in Bad Moenchen-Horsttenfelzingerschtompffenpickel in Germany, Johann Sebastian Bach merely laughed at the Law Lords' finding.
'Well', he said, in between composing his eight hundredth fugue and making a cup of ersatz coffee, 'people know who is arguably the world's greatest composer and who's a rather sad copycat! But luckily the copyright laws of England won't be getting changed, otherwise any old Tom, Dick or Matty could steal tunes from the classical world and claim to write them themselves!'
At the news of the finding, fellow German composer Ludwig van Beethoven said 'Eh?'