Russell Crowe has asked Universexual Pictures to remove his long time secret lover, director Ridley Scott from his latest heroic film enterprise. Crowe crowed to Universexualist execs that if he could just get rid of Ridley he could truly become Robin Hood. Anonymous sources have quoted Crowe's pre-dawn soliloquies:
"How can I steal from the rich and give to the poor while I'm sleeping with the theatrical equivalent of Prince John?"
"Robin Hood did the ripping off! He made Maid Marion! there was no Scott in his past, present or future!"
"Scott disembowelled me in BraveHeart... committed me in A Beautiful Mind ... what more evidence do I need that he's the evil Sheriff of Nottingham... I'm not just a ham at the mercy of a butcher like Ridley... I want FREEDOM or am i quoting Mel Gibson...Ridley, dear, rescue me!"