Written by Dean Ascher

Monday, 11 February 2002

image for Peter Pan found Dead!
Don't look Tink, it's not good.

Shock waves went through fairy tale land yesterday when Peter Pan was found dead outside his home in Neverland.

The former childhood hero, who had been deep into financial bankruptcy since he sold the rights of his life story to Disney in 1953, was found dead outside his tree house. He had been drunk flying.

Sgt. Plod of the local police force concluded that Mr. Pan's death was accidental. "Drunk flying kills millions of fairytale heroes every year" he told us. "Youngsters should be aware of the dangers. The message is clear: Don't drink and fly!" he said.

Life long nemesis of Peter Pan, Captain Hook discovered Peter's body earlier yesterday morning.

"I had only popped out to pay the milkman, and there was Peter laying on the lawn of the Tree house; face down. I know Peter and me have had our differences in the past, but I was shocked to say the least," says Captain Hook.

However it had been known for months that Peter was in a state of physical and mental decline.

"He had become a manic-depressive when the new Harry Potter film was released" said a tearful Tinkerbell, Peter's pixie sidekick. "He realised that a boy in green tights could not compete with the trendy wand and specs of Harry Potter. Drink and pixie dust was his only escape, and it finally got the better of him it seems," she told us.

A bi-election will be held next month to determine the new leader of the lost boys. Political analysts predict Toodles will gain the seat.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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