Cricket Drummer Eying Reunion with Buddy Holly

Funny story written by Dignan

Monday, 13 August 2007

Former Cricket drummer and Matlock enthusiast Jerry Allison is ready to tour again with his former band-mate, Buddy Holly. Allison, a resident at Mendacity Springs Assisted Living in Lubbock, TX, has been busy firing up fellow residents in between arts and crafts and bingo hours for the past 3 years. Billed as Jerry Allison with Buddy Holly and Friends, the drummer tells Original Unoriginal that the tour will be one of the most exciting reunions of the year.

Residents and staff at Mendacity Springs are all eager to see Mr. Allison hit the road. "We all love Mr. Allison's enthusiasm about his music and the Buddy Holly reunion shows," comments manager Randy Smallpeker. "We tell him Buddy's been dead for almost 50 years, but it only seems to anger him. He has used physical violence towards several of our most beloved residents and staff."

Mr. Allison has assumed all managerial responsibilities on a tour most would consider a daunting logistical nightmare. He's personally booked 3 Dairy Queens, 2 Holiday Inns and a lone Cracker Barrel restaurant off Hwy 82.

"The idea is to play music where people are, so that's what we're doing," says Mr. Allison, in a rather infuriated tone.

Mr. Allison has a few choice words regarding the long delays in getting the tour off the ground. "Honestly, Buddy's an asshole. I got my carrot in Peggy Sue first and he didn't. If he doesn't god damn pick up the god damn phone I'm getting god damn Gary Busey."

At this point in our conversation, the interview takes the most bizarre and unexpected of turns. Mr. Allison seems to pass out for a few moments, but quickly regains consciousness. He then proceeds to get out of his wheelchair and stand over both me and my assistant with the most intimidating, war-like glare I've seen since my last interview with Gary Coleman.

"Well I'll be damned! You sure are one sorry son of bitch to be showing your face here after all these years," screams Mr. Allison.

My underpaid and somewhat nonchalant assistant notifies me that I'm wearing "Buddy Holly" glasses by pointing to her face and saying "you're wearing Buddy Holly glasses dipshit."

The last words I heard before being rendered unconscious by Mr. Allison's oxygen tank were "You'd better find your peace with God Charles Hardin Holley!"

For all booking inquires regarding Jerry Allison with Buddy Holly and Friends, please contact Jerry Allison at Mendacity Springs Assisted Living in Lubbock, TX.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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